Hi y’all!
This has been a long time coming, and it isn’t what I planned to post, but that probably means one of you needs this. It’s what I needed too.
I’ve been in and out of town since getting back to the States, and one of the biggest things I’m learning is how to accept grace for myself where I haven’t done things perfectly like I wanted to. (There’s a long list, like not eating vegetables or exercising everyday, posting a blog within a few days or never getting impatient; I’ll get there. Well, one can hope I’ll get to the latter.)
One of the things I want to be better at is pursuing people and making time for them, and I’m battling the lie that I haven’t changed because I haven’t done that yet. I’m learning to accept that it is okay not to see everyone I want to see immediately, because I need to take care of myself. I’m learning to accept that it is okay that I’ve slept through a few alarm clocks and my mornings didn’t go as planned. Grace from God covers my failures. And I am growing from my so-called failings.
It has been a battle for me to set routines/disciplines and stick to them, especially while I’ve been traveling. It is a battle for me to sit down and read my Bible, if I let my to-do list overtake my eternal perspective. I’ve frequently sat down to spend time with the Lord in the morning, journaled, tried to sort through my emotions and press into prayer, but never opened my Bible.
God’s grace covers that too. He loves me just the same. He is very okay with my life not being perfectly put together, and he is pursuing me even when I struggle to pursue Him.
Last night, pretty ironically, I was scrolling through instagram and two people I know posted the same Bible verse, Psalm 46:5. So, I stopped scrolling. (I figured that was God pursuing me via interrupting poor social media habits.)
I opened my Bible to Psalm 46, and read through it.The first time I read it, I was rushed, wanting to find the point of why God stopped me here. I didn’t find the point. I read it again, a little slower, starting to let the words sink in. Still, I was a little frustrated, nothing jumped out at me.
Today, I started to get overwhelmed by a to-do list, impatient with the people around me, frustrated with myself. I turned to Psalm 46 again. This time the Psalm was sheer calmness, an inexplicable peace. Please, pause at each gap. There is rest for you too.
“God is our refuge and strength.
A very present help in times of trouble.
Therefore we will not fear.
Though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea.
Though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
Selah.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter.
He utters his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah.
Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah.
(Psalm 46)
Today, I needed to go on a drive and sit somewhere pretty and have the Lord remind me that he is very present, all the time. He wants to hold my emotions when I feel overwhelmed or frustrated or like I’ve failed.
I needed him to remind me of how well I am actually doing, that He is proud of me, that my life doesn’t have to be shaped by pressure or stress, that He is always near, and that I am always His daughter. And he reminded me that I have good things to give away. So here is what I want to give to you:
You are doing better than you think. You are not your past, even if your past was five minutes ago. Take responsibility, you are not a victim of your circumstances. Breathe. Give your storm (be it stress, or sadness, or busyness) to God, He wants to hold your troubles. You do not have control over the world, so you do not need to stress over the things not in your control.
Everything will be okay.
Look at the big picture. The Creator of the world, the Creator of love, the Creator of YOU, delights in taking care of you and your problems.
You are loved immensely.
Accept yourself some grace today.
In the wise words of my sweet friend Hannah Key, “There’s beauty in patience, in waiting. You’re a new creation this moment.”
You really are doing better than you think.
Love you guys,
Cait
