Hey all! So my plan for sharing my Facebook posts went away because my posts had to be moved to private because of the legality of being a missionary in Vietnam (FYI) so I’m gonna slowly catch you all up on the last few months!
CENTRAL AMERICA!!
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START!
My first three months in Central America were full of challenges, tears, bug bites, new places and new faces; new foods, new languages, new ministries and new paces. I ABSOLUTELY fell in love here! Belize and its jungles and smiling faces, Honduras and its strength and laughter, El Salvador and its dancing and graceful hearts… I found a home away from home in a land that I didn’t know much of anything about a few months ago. I wish I could invite you all inside my heart to share with you all the moments etched into my memories from the last three months. I spoke next to zero Spanish a few months ago, and now I can carry a decent conversation in Spanish. I knew nothing of Papusas! I knew nothing of the hearts God has stirred to work in these regions… I knew nothing of love before I came here (not the way I do now).
Belize…
Belize was a good month and it really grew me; especially the debrief weekend at Caye Cauker where I had to confront a lot of my own demons as well as see some challenging differences in lifestyles. I met Atheists, Rastas, fallen away boarding-school Christians, saddened druggies and mad drunks; I had to see up close how different people perceived God based on their experiences and pasts. I met some people who were searching and many more who were shut down spiritually; I learned how to love them all equally for Christ’s sake.
Honduras…
I had never worked with special needs before, let alone done so in Spanish, and hadn’t lived in such close community since the USMC (but even then it was a matter of rules and I could yell & that would be fine). I also learned about Jesus and his love for me… I learned a lot about love. Song of Solomon took on a whole new light as I saw how enraptured God is with humanity, how exciting it is to know Jesus loves us and how constant His love is. I met someone who made me think more of Jesus and understand what a face to face relationship with Jesus could be like, they pointed me to Jesus everyday and I had a smile almost all of November thanks to their influence and spiritual authority they shared with me. I miss that person a lot; I loved being poured into about God and His wonders in the most benign moments of my day, it made everything feel more and more real with God.
El Salvador…
The best month so far by far as far as ministry goes, and maybe the hardest in my private moments for me. I honestly left parts of my heart over CA but nowhere did I leave so many pieces as in ES. There were so many people I connected to on a heart level that I just want to be there to hold onto every day, and being away from them is hard and actually DOES bring tears to my eyes. CISNA has the boys, oh the boys, at one center who were just the funniest and sweetest little helpers you’ve ever met. Edras, Danielo, JuanCarlos… I wish I were with Sus Hijos today as they visit to hug them and tell them they are in my heart and prayers. I made a family in ES, both with the ministry team, my own team, and the people we met serving in the ministry. I have people I consider as close as my actual family there now, and it made me cry thinking of having to leave them… if I am being honest I am choking back tears writing this just thinking of missing them. The love there is so tangible, so sacrificial, so grace-filled, so liveable, so selfless… so close to my heart.
ES was also the hardest month for me for majority of the month because of the goings-on of my personal life. In Honduras I felt I had discovered a great deal about the love of Jesu for me, but when we left HN the avenues that I had been experiencing and understansding that love changed and without them… I felt a great sense of grief and anger. I felt lonely, disconnected, unloved and unreachable. I wanted somehow to be held… I wanted to be wrapped up in an embrace that would rescue me from the years of my life I have spent feeling abandoned, and I had no means to receive such an embrace outside of God (and he made sure I realized that); but I refused to lay my desire for human interaction so I stayed busy in my downtime talking to people or watching tv (where I could watch people interact) instead of spending that time pouring my efforts into knowing God better. That is where so much pain last month came from; my old familiar nemesis of loneliness, fear, rejection, apathy, and woundedness was prowling around whispering lies into my heart. I had my walls down because I wasn’t walking in Gods love and freedom, so I was open to anything because I was searching for something outside of God to sustain me. I know that if you aren’t vigilant the enemy can creep up and set up camp in your blindspots, but I allowed those blindspots to remain ignored out of pride; I was so certain I could identify the real issues and get ahold of myself on my own, but also felt trapped in my old habits, that I simultaneously felt overwhelmed and yet determined in my own strength to keep pushing despite my failing attempts. It was a hard month with a hard heart when we got home at night. During ministry my heart was alight and opened to those we met! During downtime I was battling old wars inside of me. It was a hard, good, revealing month.
I met some street kids with stained clothes selling candy to support their families…
I met some girls who got involved with gangs…
I met many kids whose families abandoned them…
I said hello to prostitutes on the streets…
I danced with many many many people…
I held many hands and hugged many smiling and sad faces…
I played a lot of football (soccer)…
I cried a lot of tears…
I shared a lot of laughs!…
I learned a lot of Spanish…
I ate a lot of Papusas…
I dodged a lot of fireworks…
I smiled at a lot of people…
I watched so many hard working people keep insane hours out of a love for the people they served…
I learned a lot about love… loving enough to lose sleep, loving enough to get hurt, loving enough to be vulnerable, loving enough to push forward despite being exhausted, loving enough to commit your free time to a hard work… loving enough to hang in there when things seem bleek.
I learned a lot about love last month… the last 3 months… but mainly I am learning how much God loves THE WHOLE WORLD and even without me or any other American He is FAITHFUL to provide for the people who need HIM; I am just grateful to be able to be a witness of how great our God is to ALL THE NATIONS. God is good.
