We set out in a van crammed full of people and bags that morning. We had to say goodbye to Los Flores, to Bella our adopted stray dog, and to the big beautiful smiles of our dear friends we had come to know in Belize. Bella climbed in the van and refused to leave, she sat underneath our seats and wouldn’t budge, I had to carry her out of the van and it broke my heart, she was a sweet dog that made all of us at Belize Basecamp feel a little more at home. She came back to say goodbye to us, it was like she knew we were leaving and all she wanted in the world was to stay with us and be loved. I loved Bella, maybe because I miss my own dog so much or maybe because I know that dogs love unconditionally and I value that unconditional love so much.
We finally arrived at the bus terminal in Belmopan and spilled out of the vehicle in glorious chaos, only to see Carla in the doorway of the pharmacy she worked at across the street from the terminal. Carla, my sweet Belizean friend I had come to know and cherish! I was grateful and sad to see Carla! We had said our goodbyes the night before over fresh Papusas and it had been hard then to hold in the emotions, so seeing her made my heart leap with joy and sting with the bitter sweetness of goodbye again. I crossed the street and gave her one final hug, filled with ‘I miss you already’ and trying to hold it all together again, and said a final goodbye to my beautiful friend.
I crossed back to the bus terminal and the 18 of us girls loaded down with all our packs and gear loaded slowly into a bus. The bus was almost full of just us World Race girls, but there were still people who were making their way to Belize City that day who must have been overwhelmed by how many Americans with giant backpacks had just flooded their commute. I found a seat for me and my daypack and settled in, nervous and excited to see more of the country and head to debrief for reunion and reprieve for a few days.
I was tempted to throw my headphones in and listen to music or watch a movie on my phone, but I made a point to ask God to keep me aware of opportunities to connect with people on my journey. In answer to my prayers, the woman behind me on the bus struck up a conversation tat must had lasted half an hour. She was a businesswoman who owned several boutiques and was also a member of a church; she was fascinated when I told her why I was in Belize and what the journey God had called me to embark on looked like. We were able to converse and I wish for the life of me I was better at names, but I cannot recall what her name was. She was very kind and wished God’s blessings on the journey with a smile. I appreciated that encounter.
Eventually she turned to the man beside her, her travel companion, and began talking with him so I settled in with my music at last and sat staring out the window at the landscapes that passed. I tend to get caught up in thinking about the future or ruminating on the past, so in an effort to be more present I created my own exercise of sorts to stay present. I have a tendency to orally narrate my thoughts to those in earshot, so I had started to stop in the moment and sort of narrate my current experiences to myself. And so I sat there, “Hey Brittany. Remember that time you were on the bus from Belmopan to Belize City? Do you remember the way the mountains looked in the distance as the clouds of rain rolled by? Do you remember the sunny parts of the drive when the clouds cleared, and the windows came down to let in the breeze without the accompanying rain? Do you remember looking over at Becca ahead of you with her headphones reflecting the glints of sunlight? Do you remember smiling to yourself when you realized that this is a moment you always dreamed of, and that you were living it out?” And so my bus ride passed in contented reflection.
When we arrived at long last in Belize City I knew right away that this was indeed very different from the relatively suburban/rural Belmopan we had been by during out stay. The buildings went on for ages, the struggle of this developing nation was very obvious in the looks of the people who walked the roadside and sidewalks. But it was still Belize, a place full of smiles despite the struggles. We pulled up at the bus station, unloaded our madhouse of people and bags and waited as the few girls whose bladders were about to explode found the bathrooms (which you had to pay to use) and we made sure we had all our people. Then the rain hit, again, so we had to wait for a lull in the rain to begin our trek through the city to the ferry. When we finally got a break in the rains we strapped on our gear and began the arduous journey, about a 15 minute walk through city traffic, cat-callers, puddles, missing or broken sidewalks and of course the rain that decided to grace us with its presence as we walked.
When at last we made it to the ferry building I was in so much pain. My shoulder had been injured in the Marines and the heavy packs (three of them) I was carrying had taken a major toll and I was feeling awful. I tossed the bags down when the ferry crew offered to take them off our hands, and gratefully found a seat close to the giant oscillating fan to cool my sweat/rain. I tried to connect to the wifi, which was also every other person on our squads idea, with little avail. I decided to drink what water I had left and sit with my music and watch the few tv episodes I had downloaded and wait the four-ish hours till our ferry would leave.
At last the ferry pulled up, we boarded and we took off towards Caye Caulker! The ferry was really quite full, and also onboard was a group of young guys who had to have been between 18-23 guessing by the looks of them. They were on their way to one of the islands nearby as well, I saw one of them had a Colorado patch on their backpacks (home!) so I had to talk to them and find out where they were from. It turned out they had just sold their business called “ARMOR” in Colorado. I wanted to ask more questions about it, especially seeing how young they were, but between myself and them were two of my gorgeous squad-mates, so naturally the guys started to talk to them and my opportunities to talk kind of ended there, haha. I sat and jammed out on the 45 minute ferry ride with my teammate Jasmine, just listening to music and dancing in our seats like the silly free-spirits we are! I thrive on the unknown and adventurous and I had only been on a ferry once before, in Japan, so I once again had an internal narration going on, “Hey Brittany, remember that time you were riding a ferry over blue ocean waters with your squad? Do you remember the way everything leaked and water got on everyone? Remember sticking your head out the window at one point to feel the surf and be in the moment?”
We pulled up at Caye Caulker and at first there was a slight panic, the guys on the ferry thought they had pulled all our bags off and half of us were standing there with no bags in sight. Turns out the ferry crew just missed them or something because after digging around they found our missing bags, and we loaded up and began walking (in the rain again) to our appointed hostels. That was a rough day, honestly. I was in my Keeva sandals, but there are no paved roads in Caye Caulker and it was rainy and sandy and slippery; my group walked half the island and then had to turn around and head back across half the island again because a local had given us bad directions and I was feeling grumpy. My shoulder was screaming at me and all I wanted was to lay down and rest my everything. Finally we reached out hostel, Pause, it was an animal sanctuary that had seen all the animals die of old age besides the cats, so it was basically a cat sanctuary. Thankfully, I was in an outside building that didn’t have cats inside (love cats but my sinuses do not always love them). I laid down on the first bunk I came to and didn’t want to move, therefore I incidentally picked my bed, haha.
That night was our first session together with our whole squad and we were also having a costume contest of sorts. Most people had arranged costumes and partners or groups of costume characters, I didn’t have a plan so I threw some makeup on my face and figured I would just look like I tried so I wasn’t a square being the only one without some form of costume. Threw some Dia de los Muertos style eyeliner on my face and we walked to the far end of the island (again in the pouring rain) laughing at how soaked we were all getting and how useless our rain coats were proving to be (it’s basically for looks now, it soaks through almost immediately). For the first time since arriving by plane in Belize City weeks prior we were a whole squad again at last. Jimmie, Sharon and Maddie (our squad mentor and coaches) were there to greet us all as we met up in a local school building. It turned out to be a fun night, and I surprisingly won a prize along with Meghan K. (squadmate) for the makeup, which made me feel good because I had secretly felt left out for not being asked to do a costume with anyone.
That night I was restless and didn’t want to return to my hostel yet after that. I was missing my usual crutches, the things that were my go-to for when I was tired or processing things or just feeling overwhelmed. I found a few other squadmates who wanted to go search for a bite to eat and a place to kill some time. I was grateful for the distractions, but I knew I was avoiding some things. I finally confided in a teammate that I was afraid to go to the hostel because I felt like I would spend my night tossing and turning with my thoughts, I had been struggling with processing things in Belmopan and with the constant flood of things happening I was starting to feel the internal pressure threatening to blow. Thankfully my tired crew of squadmates decided to pray and we sat down on a picnic table off the main street and shared a beautiful moment of prayers. I went back to the hostel and fell asleep just fine that night.
