It is amazing, how God reveals Himself to us in our need.
This post will be very brief. As it stands now it is 11pm and I’ve been working hard on my stuff for the yard sale tomorrow and I must be up and going very early.
This week God has been showing me a great deal in His word about how He provides in impossible situations, but that how He often waits to do so until we have come to the end of ourselves. From the story of the great prophet Elijah, the story of the religious leader who trusted Jesus to heal His daughter who was dying, and many others, demonstrate that God often waits for us to come to the point where the situation is entirely out of our hands; when we reach the point where there is nothing left in us to do anymore, till we’ve reached our whits end… and at that point God is able to work that situation entirely to His Glory.
We cannot do anything on our own. Not if it’s to bear fruit.
I cannot find thousands of dollars laying around begging to be put to use reaching the unreached people of the Earth. That fact has been the source of much stress for me, especially since taking the step of faith in trusting God to miraculously provide. Last night, it all came to a head. A deep sorrow, a despair I could not pin point, had been growing in me for several days; I had received a few donations and I was so excited!!… until I got another email reminding me I was less than halfway to my first fast-approaching deadline. Then the fear crept in.. “Where will I find the funds I need in only a month?” I kept asking myself. And so, last night, as I lay down on my bed for the night, attempting to do my reading for my 40 Days of Prayer – I was overcome. The walls began to shake in my heart and the heartache, the fear and stress that had been building finally shook loose and spilled out: I began to cry.
Now, hearing that a young woman is crying may seem passe and typical, but I am no ordinary woman: in fact, I rarely ever cry, I just don’t have it in me; perhaps that is due to the Marines, perhaps to my life experiences. Nonetheless, there I was, sobbing now in a fetal position sinking further and further into the puddle that was now forming on my clean bed sheets. The only prayer I could muster was simply, “Help me Lord. Rescue me. Fill my need. Give me faith. Rescue me. Give me peace.” I felt no eloquence in me. I felt absolutely no power, no strength, and saw no possible method of meeting my needs. I was heartbroken that I felt that the reason other people were receiving donations, and having a joyful experience fundraising, was because they mattered more than me; that they were of more value to the people in their lives, perhaps. That point was a trigger behind my sorrow, I’ve never felt particularly close to anyone, always I’ve felt the outsider. Here I’ve been, attributing that feeling to how God must also be viewing me, that I haven’t been making the progress required financially because I don’t matter as much to both God, and to the people in my life.
I was literally choking on my tears at that point, and stopped myself crying eventually in an effort to breathe. I hit play on my Abide app (I use it to help me sleep) and in fatigue managed to fall asleep.
Today, I woke feeling a bit less weight on my shoulders. I went into work and a coworker read to me Psalm 127:1-2.
I had read that same Psalm days ago and hoped in it, but still looked to my own hands to try harder. Here, I think God let me come to the end of myself. I cannot do it. So, knowing I must do the asking and then let Jesus do the doing… here’s to expecting miracles.
When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.
Refrain:
Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.
Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey.
But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.
Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.
