There’s a group of people I’ve had a lot of bitterness towards and frustration with in the past: Christians. Not just the televangelists and crazy types you see on the news, but the ones in everyday life. Which sounds weird because I am one, but I’ve had this problem with them because of that. There’s a lot of Christians I find cliche, cheesy, full of themselves, not honest and real, avoid the reality of pain, lack compassion, and misrepresent Christ. I’ve seen them hurt people for the sake of their own piousness and image. And a lot of times my bitterness turned into hatred and rejection. Which is really hypocritical and arrogant of myself. How can I love Jesus, and hate His bride? I’m not saying their right for being like that, but I’m not right in my arrogance either. For awhile, on the inside, I’d see other Christians as in the way of what I was trying to do for God. I didn’t think they really knew Jesus for who He is like I did. And I would doubt God could use them like me. It sounds even more arrogant and prideful writing this out, and it was much worse in my heart, but I’d never say.
It’s arrogant to think God can only use me, and it also goes against God because I’m doubting His power and ability to use them. It goes against the gospel in thinking this way. God’s made us unique, and some are more different than others, but all of that is from God, not ourselves. I’m not saying we as the church shouldn’t be real, we should be the most honest and real of people because in our honesty with our failures is where Christ is shown. And in the church, I’ve met some of the most honest and real people who have genuinely loved me for me. And if I feed that bitterness and hatred, I’ll miss that, and I won’t genuinely love them. And what right do I have to be bitter and frustrated with them if God Himself isn’t? God is all about making us honest and real, and we need to be called out when we’re not, but all of that is out of love. He’s patient with us, and it’s Him that makes us able to live for more than ourselves.
I think of this when it comes to all of the fundraising needed for the World Race. It’s uncomfortable to ask for money, and it can come off as that Christian-cliche of churches always asking for money. But God gives perspective. Me doing this isn’t about me; World Race wasn’t my plan, it was God’s and He called me to be a part of it in being a part of the story He’s written for all of us to be a part of. Our parts in that story are different, but just as important and meaningful. People giving is just as important as me going; I can’t go if they don’t give. It’s not asking for money for me, it’s a way for people to live for more than themselves. And it’s God who works in their hearts to give, it’s His way of using them.
All the men and women, the people of Israel, whose heart moved them to bring anything for the work that the LORD had commanded by Moses to be done brought it as a freewill offering to the LORD. -Exodus 35:29
It’s been almost a month since I announced I was doing this. And I’ve seen God stir hearts to give: I’ve had a friend ask people to donate towards it for her birthday, a little brother giving the little money he had, and many other friends who simply gave. And I’ve been humbled in seeing how God uses more than me. I’ve been full of myself just as much. How people are doesn’t change the fact God saw them as worth making, worth writing a story for, worth going through the trouble of working that story together, so that they could know Him and make Him known, all out of His love for them. People have a God given worth which can’t change, and He calls us to treat them as so. We’re awful at this, I’m awful at it. Which is why it’s all from God working in us. It’s arrogant to think all this growth has all been from ourselves. Don’t be afraid to be real; and if you’re like how I’ve been, I’ll tell you what I have to tell myself: get over yourself. The realness God gives us isn’t to feed our pride, but to give His genuine love to people.
