So today is the day. It is finally here yet it seems too soon in so many ways. Getting on the plane to leave everything I know and love behind for 11 months was simply put, horrifying. This past week leading up to launch, however, has seemed almost “easy.” I had not shed many tears and I started to begin pondering why. For one, I have a whole church worth of prayer warriors praying for my peace and emotional comfort in this difficult time. And I truly believe God is honoring all those prayers!
As I continue pondering this peace or lack of emotion in general, I have come to the conclusion that He keeps in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on Him. Going into this trip back in January it was definitely less difficult. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying it was easy by any means as stepping out of my comfort zone in such a big way is a huge decision for me, and leaving family behind is just plain hard! However, being content in my singleness and wanting to use that in the biggest way I could think of, I didn’t feel there was anything really holding me back from leaving. But that is where the problem lied. I was content in my circumstance and the confidence I felt in myself more then the confidence I have in the Savior. So, of course, He threw a wrench in my thoughts and plans to push me towards being content in Him and Him alone. As time went on and as I got in His Word more and more, my relationship with Him grew stronger, my relationship with my family and friends started thriving more than ever, and to top it off, my friend of five years gained the courage to ask me out. Initially I was against going out with him as his friendship was too important…and I most assuredly did not have the desire to date him. Or so I thought! But he has been by my side, my biggest supporter, and one of my biggest encouragers in Christ and I felt like I could not say no to coffee. Long story short, God stirred something in my heart that night. Now we are dating and he is a super important part of my story, my journey, and my growth in the Lord. So all in all, now I was not only feeling content in my home circumstances, but I also was feeling I could not possibly be blessed more in any other way. The emotional desire to cling to all those things made leaving so extremely hard. But nonetheless, I accepted the challenge and I realized His desire for me this year is to truly find that contentment in all circumstances through Christ. This year suddenly got twice as difficult, but my purpose still remains – to grow stronger in the Lord and to bring Glory to His name. That is the most important thing I could accomplish in this lifetime, and ultimately that is all that truly matters. To live is Christ and my goal is to allow Him to fan the flame inside me.
Fan the Flame
So, as I sit here on the airplane typing this, I recognized my need to share my heart and what God is doing just within this four hour flight already. I made it into the TSA line only shedding a few tears. The further I went through the line, however, my stomach began knotting up. This is really happening! As I boarded the plane and watched LA disappear behind me the flood gates opened. There is no turning back now. For the next ten or so minutes I clicked open and shut the four locket charms my mom gave me that I wear on my wrist with pictures of so many I hold dear. How am I going to do this?! I decided to stop dwelling on the pictures and began reading notes I received from so many family and friends. One of them was from a mentor, a lady with so much love for the Lord that one cannot help but desire that same love and passion. She encouraged me with 2 Timothy 1:6-7 and reminded me to fan into flame the gift of God – In Him there is power, love, and a sound mind. What an encouragement to my heart! As I sat and meditated on those words, I decided to play Valley of Vision, an album my friend bought me on iTunes just yesterday to encourage my heart in the leaving. I had never heard of the artist before so I did not know the music at all. As I sit there listening, all of a sudden I hear the lyrics, “Your love is filled with holiness, oh Spirit fan this flame. Your love will never cease or cool, your love will never change. Oh let me see your love for me around me everywhere, The shining sun, a gentle rain, reminds me of your care.”
WOW! God truly is the great comforter, He answers prayers, and he reminded me in such a gentle and loving way through the encouragement of others to hold fast to the purpose He has set before me. I have a passion to fan into flame the work the Lord has already done in and through me as I share His love with others and encourage/be encouraged by my fellow brother’s and sisters in Christ along the way. Though I cannot say I know exactly what that all is going to look like this year, I can say that I genuinely desire to allow all circumstances good or bad to be the refiners fire my soul longs for–to be the catalyst that builds up the indescribable, supernatural love that God, in His power, has already bestowed upon me.
