So I am finally getting around to writing about my experiences at training camp, and oh boy! I have no idea where to even begin! I apologize in advance if this is all over the place!
If I am being completely honest, training camp for me was just plain hard (and for this California girl, Georgia weather is hell on earth…just felt the need to add that one in there. If any of you reading this are from Georgia…I admire you greatly! Haha). Anyways, on top of my strong feelings toward the weather, by the end of the 10 days, I was emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausted, and frankly, I began questioning everything. My mind started going to its typical response, “this is too hard. I can’t do this. I am not strong enough. I feel so alone. I need to be/stay home…I just need to give up!” Oh how much I was tempted to listen to those thoughts! Oh how much I am tempted to listen to those thoughts.
Now, before I continue, I really don’t want to paint an all negative image of my experiences. After all, not everything was terrible! Bucket showers…they’re actually kind of fun! And hand washing laundry…super peaceful. I learned a lot, and I was spiritually challenged in many, many ways. I also came out of it with this burning desire to study Scripture more than I have ever had before! The details on everything the Lord has taught me just in those brief 10 days would make for a very long and wordy blog, so I am going to leave it at that; however, I will say that the things I listed and the many more things I could list are all good things that I am thankful for.
Nonetheless, flying back home was the most beautiful thing ever! I never in my life would have thought when looking out the airplane window over all the LA traffic that I’d be crying tears of joy, but it happened! I’m also pretty sure I literally cried out “thank you Jesus!” when I felt the California wind up against my face. I am so incredibly thankful for this dry desert I live in (again, never thought I’d say that in my life).
Flying back to CA, I finally had some time to myself to just be with God and rest. Now, I can’t say that through that time He completely put my mind at ease, or that I am now super ecstatic about the journey ahead…but, I can say He opened my eyes to truths about myself and about Him that I so desperately needed to hear.
One of those truths being, it is ok to be a homebody and to love being with and hearing from my amazing community, family and friends. In fact, for me, I don’t think that is just ok, but rather something He has blessed me with knowing full well that they are a huge part of my journey and growth. However, that being said, I was also reminded that they are not truly my home. For my true home is with the Lord. And because He goes with me everywhere, I can find rest in knowing I am home always!
Another truth I started to really recognize the importance of is truly knowing God’s Word…for it is through his Word that we can know Him! The Bible says, “All Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17). If we are to be complete in Him, we need to know His Word. Hebrews 4: 12 says, “For the word of God is living and effective and sharper than any double-edged sword, penetrating as far as the separation of soul and spirit, joints and marrow. It is able to judge the ideas and thoughts of the heart.” If we are to keep our thoughts and ideas aligned with His and to effectively share the Gospel, we need to be rooted in the living Word for “Faith comes from hearing, and hearing from the word of Christ” (Romans 10:17). And, if we want Him to guide our steps—to be a lamp to our feet and a light to our paths (Psalm 119:105)— we need to be in His Word.
Lastly, as I read “Keep a Quiet Heart” by Elisabeth Elliot, I was encouraged by various quotes that I believe the Lord knew I needed to read during this crazy processing time. Quotes like:
“Things we think will ruin us…if we believe what the Father tells us and surrender ourselves into His strong arms, bring us deliverance and joy.”
“Whenever I have resisted Him, I have cheated myself…Whenever I have yielded, I have found joy.”
“If through losing what this world prizes we are enabled to gain what it despises—treasure in heaven invisible and incorruptible—isn’t it worth any kind of suffering?”
“Difficulty opens our eyes to pleasures we had taken for granted.”
“Life is absurd—on the surface of things—but every bit of it is planned.”
So…All in all, as I continue processing through the good things and the challenging ones, all I can truly say is this…This year is going to be a wild ride. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully process any of it until it is all over, but that may not be a bad thing because “I am not asked to understand, only to trust.” When I first applied I felt this strong desire to go. It was cool, it was adventurous, and it was glorifying to the Lord…it was what I wanted to do and more! But now, as I am getting ready to leave behind the contentment I have found and the comforts here at home, my peace is no longer due to a desire to go, but rather a need to go. I need to go to practice dying to myself in ways I can’t even imagine. I need to be weak so that He can be strong. I need to decrease so that He might increase (John 3:30). I need more of Him, but even more…I crave more of Him! Training camp taught me that this year will be the most challenging year I have faced so far…maybe even the most challenging year of my life here on earth, but if through it I further my dependence on Christ, if through it I am used to reach even just one person who so desperately needs His love, If through it I come out more in love with Jesus than ever before, then every challenging moment, every hardship, every painful day will be so worth it in the long run.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 – “Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
