Do you remember those scary basements from our childhood–that we never wanted to go down to!! Mine was at my grandmother’s house. It was dark, smelly and from it came weird noises. I never wanted to be there. Instead, I wanted to be up in her warm, welcoming living room. That “living room” is where we live most of our lives, however within us we all have a basement; A place, a memory, a struggle that we don’t like to talk about or go to. However, it’s important to go down to our basement, open the door, grab those “things” out of our basement, and bring them to light to work through. This is how we take ownership of our lives and stop those secrets or dark parts of our lives from taking control over us.
I want to practice taking ownership for my life and live in freedom.
With that said, I have a confession to make that I never thought I’d speak on a public platform. I am currently struggling with believing parts of the Bible. Yes some of the fundamental principles of the religion I say I follow. I’ve felt shame about this for awhile now. It’s caused me to doubt if I am a “good” Christian, and has caused me to doubt if I should be on The Race. However, through this struggle, I have continued to pursue my relationship with Jesus; I haven’t let my unbelief drive me away from having an intimate relationship with God which is ultimately what I want: to know Jesus better. Jesus doesn’t abandon me in that disbelief. He is faithful to me. He loves me through it which draws me even closer to Him. I don’t have to be perfect or follow a to do list to “be a good Christian” or to be loved by God. Because of Jesus all I need to do is to believe in Him and be in relationship with Him. I no longer have to follow two thousand rules, or conform to what the church or conservative doctrine says. Jesus is GREATER than all of that. Unfortunately he gets coupled with those things. Jesus plus nothing is what He wanted for us when He died on the Cross. He wants all of us. He wants to know us. He has plans for us and they are all good. Everyone has a different relationship with Jesus and everyone follows him differently. There is NOTHING wrong with that. This month I am learning that it is okay that we follow Jesus differently. He created us all differently for a reason. He doesn’t want me to worship and seek him like someone else does. That would be going against the very nature in how he created me. He wants me, my heart, and my desire to follow him in my way, just as I am. To me that is beautiful. That is what it means, in my opinion, to be a Christian and what I am choosing to believe: Love God with your whole heart, however He guides you to love Him. We all love differently; How beautiful is that?!?! (:
(SIDE NOTE: If you aren’t a Christian and think that you have to do all these things and believe all these things to be a Christian, I am shutting down that lie that’s been told to you right now. All you need to do is believe in who Jesus is and have a desire to be in relationship with Him. He wants you just as you are. Nothing else. I apologize on behalf of the Christian faith if you have been told anything other that that. All Jesus wants is your love, that uniquely comes from you and what you have to give.)
Thank you for reading and being open to hear my opinion and what I am struggling with.
I love you all.
Love,
B
