Well, we have about 5 days left in Belize. I can’t even BELIZE it!! Time has really flown. I have really enjoyed my time here in Belize. Thank you for all the prayers about my month here in Belize.
Ministry this month has been really exciting, yet also challenging. In my head, I was really thinking we would have a SET schedule of what we would be doing every day. However, quite the opposite has happened. Instead, as team Ahavah, we’ve done something different every day for ministry. For me, I was not expecting that. Going into each day, we wouldn’t know what we were going to do for the day until we were actually doing it. For me, as most of you know, I like having a P L A N. I feel more productive that way and I like to know what is happening. If you are going to go on the World Race, one of the first things they tell you is that you WILL have to learn how to be flexible. They weren’t kidding!!!
For me, getting over not having a plan has been hard. I had to wrestle with God about this. He kept asking me “Do you trust me?” I thought to myself…well of course I do, or I wouldn’t have agreed to go on this trip. But then I dug a little deeper, and realized, that TRUST was something that I kind of….no I actually really struggle with. I don’t really like admitting that, but it is true.
I wanted to know where my “trust issues came from”, so I asked God, “why do I not trust…why, why, why, WHY!?” He came back and said, “Becca…. STOP asking why, and start asking who?”. I was like “huh?!” and He then proceeded to show me, that I struggle with trusting myself… WHAT?! Mind blowing!! What does that even mean or look like?…
Just like love, you have to trust yourself, before you can trust others.
My whole life, I was always getting into trouble, or making poor un-thought out choices, or I was told that I needed to watch my mouth, or s l o w d o w n. These are all constructive comments and probably something I needed to hear to become a better person, but it has caused me to question my choices. This is an area where I need healing in. My past choices and who I use to be doesn’t have to define who I am today in this moment. I can start over and learn to love who I am, which includes trusting myself and the decisions I make moving forward.
“Trust in the LORD with your W H O L E heart and do not lean on your own understanding. Seek God’s will in everything you do, and He will make your path straight.” –Proverbs 3:4-5
Because “trusting” doesn’t come easy for me, I have made it one of my goals to work on it this year. I want to get better at trusting God, trusting people, and ultimately trusting myself.
This is what God has taught me during my time in BELIZE.
(Side-Note: I am sorry I haven’t done a great job at capturing my ministry this month. Again, the reason behind that is because I have been struggling with not having one set ministry for the month. I promise to do a better job at capturing what I am doing next month. Additionally, I will be posting a video of all the things we’ve been doing at the end of this month. Stay tuned!)
-B
