I can’t tell you the number of times I have told God that my life belongs to Him and tried my best to relinquish control. I am drawn to every worship song that speaks of surrendering it all because reckless abandon is something that my soul longs for. And I thought that true to the words I was singing, I was doing a fairly adequate job of letting the Lord guide my life.
That is, of course, until His plans and my plans came into direct conflict. The World Race, which is an eleven month missions trip in eleven countries, is something I had dreamed of in high school, but – like so many dreams of adolescence – the thought of it was reserved to a rarely visited corner of my mind because I assumed it was a vision that would collapse before its first breath if introduced to the real world. In fact, it had entirely fallen off of my radar until my seemingly flawless life plans crumbled to dust.
It was the start of my third year of college when I decided I would graduate that spring, a year early, and use the extra year to get an internship before attending law school. It was soon evident, however, that this was not what I should be doing with my life, and God showed me that His plans were drastically different from my own. The only issue was that I didn’t know what His plans were. There I was, soon to graduate, with not a clue, when the Lord placed the World Race on my heart once more. The timing was impeccable and the opportunity was a seamless fit.
Yet I denied this call because dreams are infinitely more terrifying up close. I struggled with God, I told Him no, and I waited and waited to see if perhaps I was only imagining that He was revealing His will for the next year of my life. Eventually, I woke up to what the reality of “reckless abandon” entails. Recklessness is not ideal; it is dangerous and anxiety-producing. Abandonment is mostly negative; it is a farewell to comfort and control, two aspects of life that I find myself clinging to. But in it, I am gaining something indescribable and giving others a chance to know this unfathomably great God too.
The fears and doubts I have about the coming journey are abundant, but here is what I’ve concluded – I would much rather be following God’s will, scary as it may be, than my own. I know that He will provide, He will protect, and He will give me an inexplicable peace. My only job is to let Him do His job.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post. If you want to keep up with this incredible journey that the Lord has put before me, please subscribe! If you’re interested in learning more about what the World Race actually looks like and how you can be a part of it, check out my next post!
