I’ve re-written this blog so many times. I really wish I had something profound to say. I don’t. God has been distant which I don’t mind. I think it is unnecessary to always “feel” God. He is always there, even if I don’t “feel” him. That is a security I have with him. I trust him. One thing he has taught me is to trust myself. At the beginning of our relationship I did not trust myself so I leaned on him for everything I did. Now though I know I can trust myself. So he has taken a step back and let me make my choices. Similar to when you are little your parents make all the decisions, than as you get older they take a step back. Giving you advice when you need it, leading and guiding but ultimately it is your life and your decision. I think it is a profound place to be. A place of peace and trust. Not only with your self but with God.
This is not to say I do everything with out him. I do everything with him but he trust me to lead. In situations where I do not feel capable he his more than willing to take over again, and he does when I am in need. Knowing God’s voice is important, knowing the difference between his thoughts and your thoughts. I would be lying if I said I have mastered this. I am how ever well on my way to understanding the difference.
We have less than 50 days left on the race. Before I know it I will be home. I don’t really know what God had planned for my life next. I had been praying about this in Swazi. The only thing God told me was choose. I did not know what that meant then. Now I understand, he was letting me direct my own life. There where, and still are a lot of options some of which I am still entertaining. I choose home at least for a while. Only after I made this decision then I herd God tell me. “You will be home for a season. Go home ad save money. So when I tell you to GO! You can just go.” So I will be home after the race for a time anyway.
I trust God is faithful. I also know this is the beginning not the end. I am excited to see the doors God opens and where they will lead me.
