Its kinda weird sitting here in a coffee shop on the other side of the world. On the one hand I am over the moon about where I am at and what it is I am doing. And on the other hand its all very surreal. Like a dream really. How did I end up here?
I mean just a few years ago now I was in no position to be sharing the word of God. I also know God does not put you to a task with out first having prepared you for it. He wants nothing more than to see us succeed. How he prepared me for this trip is a crazy story. Well several stories really but that would require me to write a book. So I will share just one small part of my testimony. I have been reluctant to share because of backlash and judgment of people.
On the other hand my testimony is a story of triumph and overcoming a lot of obstacles. Satan put in extra work my way to keep me from the calling God had for my life. I know people will have an opinion either way so I’m gonna tell you a little bit of my story starting four years ago.
My dog was tied to a tree out front of the house I was staying at, and has I was being hand cuffed by a police officer. I was fighting him saying “look man, you can’t leave my dog out here! It’s hot, he has no water, and the street dogs might get to him! It’s animal crulity man, come on! Just let me call my mom and she will come and get him.”
So even though I was fighting not to be put in the cop car, he allowed me to call my mom. He gave me my phone and I called her. I knew my dog was going to be ok, so I stopped resisting. The cop handcuffed me to his car and I smoked a cigarette while he took pictures of the damage I caused to my X’s house. Why did I damage his house? Well, long story short I found out he was doing things behind my back that where more than questionable. So as the cop took pictures, my mom showed up furious. For a very good reason this was not the first run in I had with the law. I had been doing very good and had been out of trouble for a long time. I was still drinking almost every day and smoking pot several times a day. But I was not getting arrested (until now), or doing worse drugs any more so I thought to myself “I’m good”.
So a few days in jail later, I call my dad and beg him to bail me out. They told me there was a chance I would be serving time due to another charge I had received years earlier. So dad, even though I did nothing to deserve it, came and bailed out. After he picked me up, he took me to lunch at the Mexican restaurant in Jefferson. My dad is notorious for locking you in a moving car or taking you to a public place to “talk” to you. Because you can’t run, and you won’t make a big scene with a bunch of people you don’t know around. So I knew the speal, I had herd it before, but was happy to eat some good food.
I don’t remember all of the conversation but this one was different I did not just listen to what he said, I actually herd him. For the first time I was like, “Wait a minute, you make sense. You might know what you are talking about after all Dad!?” Three things stood out in my mind that he said that I have not forgotten to this day.
1) You can’t do the same thing with the same people who keep getting in trouble and expect not to get burned. If you want to change, you need to leave your “friends” and make new ones.
2) Living this life style will get you one of two things: prison time or death.
3) You can either, A: stay sober and come home or B: keep doing what you have been doing and find yourself somewhere to live.
Now at the time I had no where to live (he knew this) I had no desire to be sober at the time but it was the streets and alcohol, or a nice warm bed to sleep in. So I moved back in to my dad’s house. I got a job at Burgerking down the road and then ended up with a second job at Subway. These kept me occupied most of the day. So there was no time to drink or smoke. The longer I went without them, the more I realized I did not need them. Eventually I thought about it less, and less till it was not a thought at all. The “friends” I thought I had disappeared. No one called to check on me, no one! They knew I was sober, so my worth to them was no worth at all. I had no drugs, so they did not need me any more. They quickly replaced me without even a thought.
During this time I started to attend my dad’s church which was held at our home. He had invited me many times before but I refused to go until now. The church was full of people just like me. X addicts, X convicts, people who where still in addiction, and needed a sober outlet with no judgment. I met good people who did not judge me, but stood by me. In fact most of them had stories of their own. I began to talk to God again and beg him for help. I wanted to change. I just had no idea how to so I asked God for help. Slowly but surely God began to chip away the anger, the hurt I had caused myself, and the hurt that had been caused by others.
I met two people in particular at church that owned their own business, when they approached me about a job I jumped at the opportunity not knowing what I had just signed up for. All I was thinking about was no more fast food! When I started that Monday they started showing me what I would be doing. Dispatching for a trucking company, and also working for the church.
I was broken, lost, and just needed a hand up and they gave it to me. I did not know that years later these people would become my family and people I would take a bullet for today. They put up with a lot of my crap during the first few months. I was still broken and healing from everything that had been done to me, and done by me.
They allowed me time to heal. They allowed me time to grow as a woman of God. They where there when I needed answers. Or when I was being stubborn and did not want to talk, they would corner me until I did (they still corner me but I’m quicker to talk now). My dad allowed me a place to come home to. A place to be able to rest after a long day. My mom allowed me time to talk and we got to know each other as friends not just as mother and daughter. I was blessed in so many ways. I still am blessed beyond words. The things I’ve accomplished I could not have done on my own. That alone is still humbling. I had people around me for the first time in my life that were, and truly are my friends. They loved me for me, and not just what I brought to the table. They loved me when I was broken and had nothing to give. They loved me into wholeness.
Today I’m sitting in Thailand on a mission trip loving on people the way that Jesus loved people. If it had not been for my story I would not be able to relate to so many people. I get asked often, “Would you go back and change your past?” The answer use to be yes! I would in a heart beat! Now though I would not change anything: I am stronger, braver, bolder, more compassionate, more loving, more understanding, and more empathetic to the people I meet everyday, I am quick to listen and slow to speak (this is still in the works). I am this way now, because of what God brought me through then. Literally God as brought me from jail to the mission field!!! That’s how good my God is!!!
Like I said, God does not send you to do a job he has not prepared you for. It took 30 years for God to prepare me for this journey, and I feel very well equipped. I still have a lot to learn, and even more to grow into who God as called me to be. But I am well on my way.
If you are going through something hard, know it’s not because God is out to get you. Satan is the father of lies he is trying to kill, steal and destroy. And he is definitely trying to do that any way possible to keep you from your calling. Even to the point of you blaming God for your messed up life, or for what someone else did to you, or for a loved one dying. When really it is Satan in the corner laughing because he got you to believe his lie that it was God’s fault this happened and not his.
You can’t get different results doing the same thing. So maybe you should just try something different. God is a good way to start. Even if you blame him for something. He will never stop knocking at your door. All you have to do is open it and allow him to come in. If you are like many and doubt who he is just cry out to him “prove to me God that your real.” I promise you that he will. I know this with out a doubt because of his love for you. This is a huge promise to make but I am making it. Because I know God wants to be part of your every day life.
This does not mean life will be easy, what it means is no matter how hard life gets you will always have the God who created the universe standing in your corner fighting for you in ways you can’t even imagine. To comfort you in your times of need. To show you love even if you feel like you don’t deserve it. He does not want you to be perfect first he wants you to come as you are. Broken and hurting. You are his heart cry, and he longs to have a relationship with you.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that He gave is only Son. That who so ever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life.
