My friend Sami Christiansen and I reconnected in 2016. She was preparing to intern at Mission of Hope: Haiti and I had just transitioned out of that season after interning in 2015. No surprise on my end but Sami fell in love with the people and the country of Haiti and started applying for long term jobs there. She spent all of 2018 working with an organization there with a focus on community health. I’m incredibly proud to call her my friend and her encouragement over the past eight months of my traveling and missions work has been the sweetest gift. She wrote the following blog about her re-entry, and I can’t wait to hear what you think!
I am in a season of re-entry and sabbath right now. This past December, I took my last flight back to my native home after spending some time abroad as an international missionary. If you have been or are an international missionary, you know the ups and downs and circles that are a common occurrence in missionary life. God has taught me a lot during my time abroad, and I can’t begin to touch on all of my experiences. However, this season of life that I am in is one of growth, healing, and a whole lot of love.
When 2019 rolled in, I decided to pick a word that would describe this season I’m in and one morning while I was sipping my coffee and admiring the heatwave that the Minnesota winter had blessed us with, the word grace popped into my head. In all honesty, I don’t think I have truly understood the depth of grace. You see, I have never been good at accepting grace. I have always felt some sense of guilt and unworthiness. I used to get myself caught in this ‘ok, if I do A, B, or C then I get this,’ but come to find out, God already paid the price. I believe that in my season where I push grace away is when I sense God stopping me in my path and saying, ‘Sam accept this gift and rest.’
I just finished with a part of my life that brought me to a third world country to be the hands and feet and to serve the Lord and His people. I’ve had to reel in the reigns and tell myself ‘just be.’ When I was getting ready to come home, I was numb, uncertain, nervous, and for the first time in my life, I had no plan. My last day in a country I dearly loved put me into a panic. I remember going to church just hours before my plane took off, and team members would ask what I was going to do when I got home. I noticed I could only respond with ‘get a job.’ I felt this need to figure things out and to transition quickly back into the states. As January went by and then soon February, I found myself in a part-time job and no idea what I was doing with my life. I’m in a place that makes me uncomfortable and sometimes questioning God’s faithfulness. However, I’ve realized that getting to points of uncertainty and discomfort is when I get to experience and learn about the depths of just how powerful God’s faithfulness is. Through this, I have learned that God created us to never live apart from him and apart from everything that He is.
As I have started this new practice of accepting grace, the word peace has been a common vocab word that I found myself talking about a lot. I have found that peace does not just mean the absence of conflict but also the presence of wholeness, and with this, there are so many dimensions to it. I have chosen to say it is well with my soul because of the grace, peace, and faithfulness that I’ve been experiencing among the uncertainty.
This made me think of that saying some pastors say, ‘May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.’ For me, it was always the saying that ended the service and a peaceful one at that. I had come to understand that grace is beyond me, its’ roots are beyond me, but God said when you were powerless, I gave you grace, and for that, I am learning to accept this beautiful and comforting gift that transcends in wonder. I have noticed that grace and peace are like this never-ending cycle where sometimes peace and grace are not parallel like we want. God has been telling me, ‘let your wounds be healed, let your thoughts be silenced and let me be the driver of your peace and accept my gift of grace.’
I know many missionaries, and maybe you are finishing with your time soon, and I know the feelings you may be going through and the anxiousness that may be hanging over you. You may want to cringe when people say ‘well done good and faithful servant,’ but I’m proud that you heard a calling from God and followed Him. Some of you are leaving hurt by the organization you worked with. My heart also goes out to you because I too know those feelings as well. It’s important to notice and accept that everyone’s transition will be different. Let me tell you though, anything and everything that you are experiencing now or when you leave your current mission field is normal. For some, your mental health may need a little TLC. This is ok! It’s more common than you think. Know that I am praying for you and you are loved. Know re-entry takes time. I’m 5-6 months in and still get culture shock. To parents and those who love a missionary know that you have an awesome person in your life. Just love them through this re-entry process and listen because God will be teaching you things through this too. I’m excited to see my dear friend Ashley. I’m so proud of you, Ashley! It has been two years since we have physically seen each other. I can’t wait for a day of “togetherness.”
May the love of the Father, the grace of Jesus, and the companionship with the Holy Spirit pour over you.
A fellow missionary in re-entry and sister,
Sam
P.S. I would love to hear about how your re-entry is going and would love to be praying for you on a deeper level. Please shoot me an email I would love to hear from you. [email protected]
Sam’s Verse of the day: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16
Sam’s Song of the day: PEACE by Hillsong Young & Free
