I leave in three days. I leave my brothers, my friends, my family all in less than three days.
Honestly? I’m terrified.
Honestly? I have no idea what I’m doing.
Honestly? I’m having a ridiculous amount of doubt.
But in all honesty, the Lord had been even bigger, even more ridiculous, even more, empowering and that’s all I could have asked for.
As launch approaches at an unbelievably fast pace, the number one question I get is, “What are you doing?”. I think I dread this question. Not kidding. I hate explaining what I’m doing. I sometimes don’t even want to talk about it. As much as I should love and completely adore talking about Jesus and what He’s been doing in my life, that’s not always what comes out. I think a little bit more of my fear starts to take over my words, my tone, my face. I get watery eyed, I start to get jumpy, my anxiety kicks in more than ever. I don’t want people to relate this back to Jesus.
But Y’ALL that’s just the point.
I don’t have my sh** together. I am freaking out. I am having a hard time stopping ridiculous thoughts run through my head. But Jesus is so cool in the way He shows His faithfulness. He gives me friends who offer to drive 8 hours to meet you at the airport to say goodbye. He gives me a family who understands that I am not ok and I am being exposed to some hurtful spiritual warfare. I am given The Word of the Lord to keep bringing me back to who He is. Who I am in Him. I am not perfect. Because of the way that I am, I will never have my sh** together. I will have some fearful days, but in all that chaos, I have the literal Creator of the Universe to back me up and to balance me out.
Jesus has had an amazing way of pulling me back, a way of telling me to stop and think about Him. What His word wants for me. In Him, I am able to be overflowing with love, faith, and fearlessness, and use the overflow to share with others.
Three days left. Every “See you in nine months!”, every hug, every tear, every weird hurt, is for salvation and that’s so something to celebrate.
