After living and working with 40 other teenagers definitely has its benefits, as well as its faults. For instance, having 30ish sisters is great for sharing clothes, always having someone able to braid your hair, and never being bored. Having a group of brothers is such a blessing to always have a group of God-honoring men fighting for the kingdom and our squad. I really love living with these people.
With that, however, we are 18-20 year olds. We talk. We gossip. And rumors spread like wildfire.
Unfortunately, I was caught in this crossfire.
A few days ago, I learned of a rumor that had circulated at Training Camp regarding a mistake I had made, with many details added.
I’m not going to lie, this rumor really hurt. It was frustrating because I had tried to remain as honorable as possible to the other people involved, only to not get that in return. It was difficult because I have been doing my best to get to know my squamates and hear their stories from them, only to have that not received in return either.
I felt lied to and my trust was completely gone because I had no idea who said what (and still don’t). As I mentioned in a previous blog (“Trust”), I really struggle with trusting people and the things they tell me. Most of my testimony involves friends that never really stuck around and to have a group of people that I am supposed to have a safe haven in do the same thing broke me.
I was frustrated. I was angry. I was hurt. I broke and I wanted to isolate.
But God said don’t.
God revealed to me this morning that He chose me to teach my peers to speak life over each other and the power of grace. He has given me His eyes of grace and at this point it is my choice whether or not I choose to see through them or not. I can either open my eyes, or not.
I know gossip is going to happen. I know I have done it and will do it at some point again. Though it is such a prevalent part of our culture, that doesn’t excuse it and I think the first step is just owning it as wrong and making a stance to speak life. I can’t control what people say. And I can’t control what people think. But I can control my response. Someone once told me “my response is my responsibility”. I can choose to open my eyes. I can choose to pour out the same grace given to me.
So from this point forward, I choose life. I choose to speak it. I choose to show it. Even down to sarcastic remarks, I choose to show my squad mates that we are a people of honor and integrity and love. We were made to be bigger than the rumors and bigger than the gossip.
“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:35
-A
