It is always so crazy to me how the Lord guides you to passages that He wanted you to see. Its so crazy how He knows exactly what we are struggling with under our breath and behind closed doors. My most favorite aspect of our God is that He meets us where we are. And every time He comes, every. single. time. He meets us with love.
Matthew 5:14-16
“You are a light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, and they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”
Today as I strolled my college campus just purely in love with the beauty I was surrounded by, I was overcome with anger and self-pity. I absolutely love this place, the relationships I have made, the classes I am in, the girls I have come to know and love so dearly, etc. I slowly learned to call this place “home”. And in a few months I will be stripped of that.
And I was angry about it, angry that I have to leave, angry that my friends will go on like I never left, angry that I will be a year behind some of my very best friends, angry that this place will continue to flourish and be oh so beautiful while I am half a world away.
Thoughts of “why me?”, why do I have to be the one to leave it all behind and follow You? Why do I have to be the one who watches her friends graduate a year before me? Why do I have to be the one people are scared to get close to because I’m only here for a moment? (thanks self pity for these thoughts)
Oh so many tears hit the floor a few nights ago as I shared my thoughts with one of my closest friends who I will soon say “say ya later” to.
So here I am, running to the word. Just needing guidance in a time where I feel like the Lord is so for me yet so against me at the very same time.
And oh man was I wrong to think the Lord, the creator of ME, would ever been against me.
Tonight, my Jesus led me straight to His word. Straight to the word He so desired for me to read, which is just amazing to me.
He spoke volumes tonight.
The things He opened my eyes to by just showing up and meeting my hurt with abundant LOVE:
(1) Its just simply not about me. The race isn’t about me. College isn’t about me. LIFE just simply is NOT about me. I was created purely to GO and to proclaim His name, making His name known among nations. So this is what I will do. I will go and I will tell of the great news that is Jesus Christ.
(2) We are each a part of this intricate design. We were all crafted to be this light. This light that shines oh so incredibly bright. So bright that communities rally around it. A light so bright that guides every person to the same master.
(3) Who are we to hide in the comforts of our “bowl”??? I was called to serve and to tell the world of the God I know. Regardless of if I miss out on things here, regardless if I don’t get to experience all the “college things”, regardless of if people move on without me and question my sanity.. I will never limit myself to this “bowl”, to this place that puts out my flame.
The Lord of all has placed me on the Race as my “stand” so that all can see the Light that is Jesus. And I pray I shine so purely that lives are changed and hearts are softened. I pray that His light that shines through me would never be put out by the fears and comforts of this world.
God I thank you for never leaving me to wrestle with my own thoughts and my own self. I thank you for meeting me with love every time I turn my eyes away from you. I pray over the hearts that my team and I are going to touch and the way You are going to move. I feel you tonight God and wow what a year it is going to be. I am so in love with you and your never-ending reckless love for me.
