Walking through identity and trying to find who you are, especially in Christ, is much more than I thought it ever would be. I knew my identity would be in the process of being built back up again and I would need to have open hands to what God is trying to do in me. I’ve been open since the beginning and I’ve grown in my confidence and who I was made to be. This process has been stretching me in areas I was never really expecting. “the crushing of natural tendencies.” I heard a phrase similar to this in a podcast by Jonathan David & Melissa Helser from Bethel. They have a daughter who is introverted while her son is extroverted. Melissa was asking the Holy Spirit for help when it comes to parenting an introverted child and extroverted child.
She says-
“Woo my daughter into loving people, and experience not shut down. The Holy Spirit told me when she was at a very young, never tell a person that she’s shy. Do not crush her with her natural tendencies. Woo her out into love. Teach her how to love. Don’t make excuses for her natural tendency.”
I have a very natural tendency to be “shy” or “reserved”. I am a straight up introvert who loves talking to people but needs some time alone-that’s an introvert. Not someone who is scared to talk to people or is too shy. Recently I’ve been walking through being built up in my identity, for I guess the past 6 months really. My natural tendencies have come up in so many ways and honestly a lot of them have left me feeling incredibly ashamed of how God has made me. And if I’m being honest I’m still not completely over the shame right now. I love talking to people, I love getting to love people, but something has held me back more often than not. My boldness, my braveness, my willingness to step out has become striving because I allowed people to tell me that I am too shy. To crush my natural tendencies. But I am also my biggest critic in this so in no way am I a “victim” or only blaming others for this-it’s a mixture of both. I have been mistaken this whole time of what boldness really is, of the fact that my natural tendencies are something I cannot help, and that my ability to love people is not defined by my shyness.
Most of the people I know in my life are extroverts or people who are super outgoing. I tend to gravitate towards them because they balance me out and I just really love them! But in the past couple months I have become very bitter towards the fact that I cannot be nearly as outgoing all the time or “bold”.
The opportunity to love others well excites me but I’m always reluctant to. Why? Because I feel like I am too shy. I’m an introvert so I can’t really talk to people. My natural tendencies are seen as faults and not things that God put in me for a reason. My gentleness puts me in a place of not being bold enough.
Those are some phrases that go on in my mind when I love people or when I’m just being me. I tend to love people quietly and gently because that’s how I was made, they are my natural tendencies. Boldness is not loudness. Gentleness is not weak. Loving people is not defined by introverts, extroverts, enneagram, Myers brig or whatever. Do I think those are tools into seeing how you function? Yes but they don’t define you. There’s ways that God made me that I’ve been ashamed of because it’s made me feel overlooked and mistaken me for someone I’m really not. I value others feeling welcomed, being seen and heard. When I feel as if I’m not attaining those things, it immediately shuts me down because I feel as if I am not enough. I’ve put my value in the place of loudness over the value of how God has made me. Whether you were made shy or outgoing, talkative not so talkative, loud or quiet, I ask that you don’t let people crush your natural tendencies because they’re made with intention. Letting people, your inner critic, or the enemy create shame in who you are is debilitating to your soul and honestly exhausting. There’s beauty in the quiet, in the loud, in the boldness, and in the gentleness. I’m still in the process of learning I am a gentle but loud creation from God. & will probably still be learning it for quite some time but I’m starting with not letting anything cross the line of what my natural tendencies are- a more gentle introverted person that does like talking to people and has a love for loving people- & can be bold when it comes to God’s authority.
