Hello I am in Costa Rica and currently loving life! I’ve been here for almost a week and will be here for about 3 months. Something the Lords been putting on my heart recently is money. Money is one of my least favorite things to talk about. For me personally I’ve always had a hard time with viewing money the way the Lord does. It’s so temporary and it will never fully satisfy me but there’s always this part of me that thinks I’ll be okay if I have a lot of it. I didn’t realize how much conviction I’ve had about money till right now honestly. I feel as if I am entitled to it sometimes and my expectations with it are way out of my control. There’s a lot of things I can’t control and I think money is one of those things, especially being on the race. I’m at this point where it’s something that scares me each time I think about and it shouldn’t. A big thing I learned since being involved with the race is that we weren’t given a spirit of fear. Whether it’s a fear of rejection, fear of intimacy, fear of money, or whatever that looks like to you.
So for a while I’ve felt pressured to write a blog about fundraising and I keep having this same thought process of being fearful of asking for money or being fearful that I won’t get any. Honestly I’m sick and tired of my own mind. I go in constant circles trying to grab onto any comfortable thought but it just keeps going back and forth.
I’ve come to the conclusion that God is bigger than any amount in my bank account or the number for my fundraising. I’m so uncomfortable right now but it’s causing me to look to God because what else or who else would I look to? God knows that money makes me uncomfortable-anything involving it- but I’m learning to come to the end of myself.
If the Lord’s will is for me to continue the race, then I know he’s going to provide. The other part of me senses I could go home-if it’s the Lord’s will.
In writing this blog, I feel like he wants me to share this for people who do struggle with money. Money is one of those things you can hold close to yourself because it’s comforting. I’ve been comfortable with money and I’ve been uncomfortable with money. But I’ve seen God do some really cool things with things that make us uncomfortable. The very things that we don’t want him to use or touch, he will. I’ve had squadmates get $1,000 donations after completely letting go of trying to control fundraising on their own.
As of right now, I’m hoping for what I don’t have. But I think this time I’m hoping for this money because of what I’m doing, not for myself. It’s easy to look at that number of $15,800 and think I have to do this on my own because it’s mine. But this money really isn’t mine. Yes it’s for me to stay on the race but that money isn’t supposed to be something I hold close to myself. God’s given me over $11,000 already, he’s brought me to Costa Rica, changed my life immensely, I don’t think he’d ever do anything that would actually hinder me or the plans he has for me. So this money isn’t something I want to hold close to my heart because at the end of the day it’s for his kingdom.
(sorry I am rambling what’s new)
I had this moment the other day in the backyard of my squads house here. Sophi was reading to Brittany and I in a hammock and I was in love with the life Gods given me. I looked back on all the things he had done in Thailand, Malaysia, and what he’s going to do in Costa Rica. I really wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I miss home and all the people there but I love serving people and I love serving God. In fact I never knew how much I loved it until that moment and I’m not sure why. Anyway I guess the point of all of this is that I am extremely uncomfortable right now because of fundraising but I’m incredibly thankful for what he’s already done for me. We serve a big God and I don’t doubt the plans he has for me because he knows what’s best for me. Thank you to anyone who reads my rant blogs because sometimes I just have to get these thoughts out. I’m super at peace about all of this after writing so praise the Lord.
So yes my fundraising deadline is coming up on January 19th (I think) but I’ve decided to stop running in circles about whether or not the money will be there by then. I’m hoping for what I don’t have but I would deeply appreciate any support that anyone can give me. My life on the race has been nothing short of extraordinary experiences-something I want to hold close to my heart. I’m so thankful for being here and for the people that made it happen. Feeling too blessed, a little homesick, but more than alright. ??
