Hey there world, I’m back!
First of all I just want to apologize for so little updates these past 3 months, its been hard but also so sweet to be disconnected for so long. I have had incredible conversations with God and come to know Him in crazy new ways all the while He has been lavishing so much peace on me.
Wow all I can say is that leaving this place is freaking hard.
Leaving Cambodia, I was full of fear for what was ahead, 6 more months on the race and 2 brand new continents in my future. I was grieving leaving everything farmiliar all over again and regretting all the things I hadn’t done and all the people I hadn’t talked to.
This time around, the goodbyes were so different and although I am so thankful that I have no fear for what’s ahead and I don’t regret a single second of these past 3 months spent in so much love and incredible joy, it makes leaving that much more painful. I have fallen in love with this culture, this village, the mountains, the African stars and most of all the kids- all the little smiles, laughs, helping them wash their heads full of curls, and every afternoon spent coloring with my babies in house four.
I’ve learned so much about myself on the race- how I process things, how I communicate, how I love people, and lately I’ve been learning how I grieve. And it turns out I’m what some would call a pre-griever. So basically I’ve been mourning the foreboding goodbyes for weeks now, every time I’ve hung out with the kids or watched the sunrise in the morning it was like I was already gone,and already missing what was right in front of me, but although this was so hard to look into the kids faces and know that I only had so much time left with them, the reality is- it made me treasure every moment just that much more. And what a precious way to go through every day, not withdrawing because loving and leaving is just too painful, but pouring out every ounce of yourself daily. Loving that much more because you know that every second is a gift and God has entrusted it to you so that you could take this precious moment to pour out His love on everyone around you.
Now I’m not saying you should love out of fear of losing people but I’m saying in every moment you have a choice- do I give all of myself trusting that God will not leave me broken after the goodbyes or do you withhold love because leaving just hurts too bad. While one sounds like the life that God has called us all to live, the other sounds like a life full of regret.
And I could not be more thankful for how hard these goodbyes are, trusting God’s promise that He will not leave me broken and trusting that he has these kids just like He has me and He loves them so much deeper and wider than I ever could.
Yesterday morning we said those hard hard goodbyes and left our beautiful mountains in Ethiopia and took a 16 hour flight to Toronto where I finally get to see snow(Thanks Jesus). We are currently waiting to take a flight down to Costa Rica for the Awakening! Where we will meet up with 3 other squads for 2 days of worship and teachings after that we bus down to Nicaragua for Parent Visions Trip. Such a busy week, so many emotions and so much change but in it all I am so thankful for my unchanging God.
Peace,
Alyssa
