Wednesday night, our last night in Battambang, we had a huge dinner and invited all of the people we have built relationships with throughout the past 3 months. It was such a good time with a hint of sadness, knowing the goodbyes were coming. Our Khmer friends had all gone home and a group of us were just sitting around outside the house talking and these three teenage girls on motos drove by and one of them dropped their keys in front of our house so they all turned around and decided to stop and talk to us. They told us that they drive back and forth from school right by our house at least 20 times a day and always see us but have never been brave enough to stop. They sat with us for about an hour and just talked about life and school and they asked us so many questions. At the end one of the girls gave me the tightest hug and looked at me and said “I know we just met but I’m going to miss you.” And that was it, we met them and then said goodbye.
As I saw them drive off it occurred to me that I had just let the opportunity to tell them the good news slip by. We talked for over an hour and yet I never asked if they knew Jesus. I told them all about my life and yet not about the one who gave me life. Wow my heart hurt I couldn’t help but think what if we had met them sooner. What if in the hundreds of times they drove by I had noticed them or tried to talk to them.
Thursday morning we left Battambang for good and said our goodbyes to our house mama Chhady, our tuk-tuk driver Mr. Sam, and our friend/sister/co-worker/neighbor Rachel. The goodbyes were heart breaking. I got into the bus blurry eyed with tears and feeling so sick about leaving my friends and my new home. But also struggling with feeling like there was so much more to be done here, so many more relationships to build, so many more children to play with, and so many more people to hear the good news. I was feeling a lot more than just the bittersweet pang of leaving, I was overcome with guilt and regret.
But I know that guilt is not of the Lord and to just let myself sit in these feelings would be useless in every way. So I spent the better part of our 4.5 hour, bumpy, nauseating bus ride just sitting and asking Him to speak light into what I was feeling. As I was writing in my journal that I couldn’t leave when I had so much else to do, He asked me “Do you trust me to still be working in Battambang even when you aren’t here? Do you trust me with these people?” Much like releasing my family to Him a few months ago I realized that I had to do the same with these new friends who, after three months, felt so much like family.
I’m holding fast to the promise that His plans are to prosper and never to harm and standing on the truth that His way is perfect, always. This is ALL a part of the plan. All the good moments, tears shed, victories, failures, all the times I didn’t ask someone if they knew Jesus, and all the times I did, He already knew. He has known from the start how He would work in me and through me these past 3 months. And there was nothing I could do or not do that would mess up that perfect plan.
