Hello friends. So sorry I didn’t blog last week! While we were at debrief I honestly just rested a whole lot and it was so awesome but I didn’t have much new to say. Also, health update: I’m feeling a lot better now! I’ve been taking my medicine and my sweet teammates got me some Gatorade and crackers and I’ve actually been eating meals the past few days so that’s exciting!
This week I want to share with you guys something that the Lord has been teaching me a lot about over the past few weeks.
So recently a topic of conversation among our squad has been the enneagram test. If you don’t know what that is, don’t worry. I didn’t either before 2 weeks ago so I’ll explain it to you. The enneagram test is a personality test that assigns you to one of 9 personality types. It tells you basic characteristics that you posses, your basic fear, what drives you, childhood wounds that may have impacted your personality traits, and even your heart and stress points which tell you what your personality looks like at it’s most healthy and safe state and what it looks like in a time of stress. It’s magical, take it.
Honestly when I got my results it blew my mind a little and overwhelmed me all at the same time. I’m not going to just talk about my personality though, I do have a point, just hang with me! (But if you do want to talk about personality types and results plz hit me up because I love it) So after I took the test I got a little bit obsessed with it for a few days. Everything I read made so much sense and helped me connect so many dots about how I process things and how I view the world—it explained the good things about my personality and the not so good things.
One of the main things that it brought to light and helped me understand about myself is that I’m generally very critical and distrusting of people at first, especially my peers. I like to sit back for a while and observe and make sure that I can really trust people before I even attempt a relationship with them. And I’m living in very close quarters in very intimate community with 50 of my peers right now and for the next 8 months. Yikes. So what does that look like? How do I go from knowing that about myself to learning how to fight for community and combat that tendency with love and humility?
Fast forward to worship on Monday night after traveling back to the AIM base from debrief.
I’ll be totally honest because I think it makes the story that much sweeter; I didn’t really even want to go to worship that night. I was tired. We had a 3 hour bus ride back to the base during which I took some Dramamine that ended up knocking me out for the whole afternoon and all I wanted to do was put my pajamas on, watch a movie, and go to sleep. But as usual, the Lord (and our leadership team lol) had other plans. Bless Him for always wanting more for me than I want for myself.
So we start worshipping and of course, my OCD brain is still obsessed with this enneagram thing. And community. And I’m looking around at all these people that I know I have to get to know and I have to love and I have to do life with and I know in my mind that they’re all awesome people. I know that. I’ve seen that. But they still intimidate me a little because I know that in this crazy world race community where we live with each other and do life together 24/7 there’s no time for me to make sure I can trust them. I have to just do it. And that’s scary.
So I’m looking around and I’m like Lord, what does this community thing look like? You’re so good, I know that. This is a gift, I know that. But sometimes I don’t want it. Sometimes I want to just hide in my room. This scares me. It’s uncomfortable. But I want to do it and I want to do it well because I know that this is what you’re church looks like and I know that you’re asking me to go deeper and that must mean that there’s something good for me in that. So what does that look like? How does this work?
Man, God is good y’all. This is good stuff. Don’t think that it came from me because I can promise you my heart doesn’t come up with stuff like this. So this is what He revealed to me:
Every single one of us, as totally different as we are, as much as we can be opposites and process things differently and see things differently, we were all created in the image of one creator. How crazy is that? We serve and love and know a God that is so big and vast and complex that there can be 9 basic personality types and a million different variations of each of those and yet we all still look like Him. He is the very best of each of the personality types. He is the very best of each of us. Yes we’re all striving to look more like Jesus but that still looks different for each of us. Man. And you know what else that means? To know people is to know God. To get to know your friends and your parents and your community around you is literally to get to know the Lord because the best characteristics that they possess, the best of who they are in their Spirit, who they were created to be, is a part of what God looks like. What a gift that God gave us each other and made us all different so that we could have the privilege of friendship yes but also the privilege to know Him more. That also means that you’re a gift to the world just by being made in the image of God and you can give a gift by going deep and being vulnerable with people and just letting them know you’re heart. Wow God. Man. And I just want to point out again that I am at my very best still an introvert who gets along with people easily yes, but is still terrified to really know people and make those connections and let people know me. So again, this definitely didn’t come from my heart.
So I want to ask you, like God asked me, what would it look like if we saw the character of God in each other? What would it look like if we genuinely sought to know people so deeply that yeah maybe we see the skeletons in the closet, maybe we see the bad things, but we also see the raw image of God in them and are committed as brothers and sisters to encourage that in each other and walk in that together? What would it look like if instead of being scared away by the bad things, we really looked at who they are in their Spirit and learned to walk alongside them in becoming who they were created to be?
Wow God. Thank you. Thank you for the gift of people and a community that allows me to be me in all my flaws but also sees me for who I am as a creature made in the image of my creator, even if I’m not always walking in that. Thank you for making me in your image. Thank you for making my friends in your image and for the privilege of knowing them. Thank you that knowing people is knowing you. Thank you for the gift and privilege of pursuing your character and your heart more every day for the rest of our lives. Thank you for allowing us to do that. And thank you that you love us so much that you would reveal your truth to us in ways that we can understand, even if it’s with a personality test that I maybe got a little too obsessed with. Thank you for the gift of worship and of leadership who make me get out of bed and go worship you even when I just want to be in bed. Thanks God. You’re so good.
All my love,
ABM
