Dear me, this time last year:
If only you knew the things that were awaiting you once you walked out of the doors of high school for the very last time. In a season of darkness that seemed like it would never end, I can look back and tell you that it was worth the wait- what Jesus has for you is always worth the wait.
To the girl who was living in fear, changing things about her looks, values, and personality to be accepted in a new place; the girl who painted her face every morning in hopes of being beautiful enough to please her newfound ‘friends’ and the strangers in the hallways; the girl who ran from her Father because she didn’t love herself enough to accept that He could love her as she was. Stop running- you are not defined by the things you have done nor the labels placed on you by mere humans.
The Lord has made you NEW. Nobody gets to have a say in who you are except the One who made that decision final when He died for you on the cross. You were bought at a price, and that price was the most valuable being who ever walked this earth. Therefor, you are priceless. Priceless. Your worth was determined when Perfection died for you- and nobody else gets to have a say in it. That makes you COMPLETELY worthy of his love, and worthy to love yourself.
You love yourself now in the most genuine way; it hasn’t come from looking in mirrors, wearing nice clothes, or receiving compliments/approval from others- in fact, you’ve given most of those things up over the last few months. It has come from walking in the freedom that your Daddy is offering you each day. That girl who felt trapped in an abyss of loneliness and numbness, living most days feeling empty and unwanted- she doesn’t exist anymore. You have been set free. Don’t listen to the lies of the evil one, “Your loneliness will last forever. You’ve become like everyone else here. You’ve lost your heart and you’ll never be able to get it back.”
He comes only to steal your joy, Abigail. He comes only to destroy. (John 10:10)
Your Father, He says, “I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told” (Habakkuk 1:5). He is faithful. Your Daddy keeps his promises. I don’t have much advice to give, but I can give you this hope: HE IS FAITHFUL. And he will never leave you nor forsake you. He hears your cry, and He has delivered you.
Today is your 19th birthday. You’ve never felt closer to God. You’re living in India, surrounded by precious friends who love you and care about you. They even bought giant balloons for you that spell out “BIRTHDAY HAPPY” because they accidentally strung them backwards. You feel really loved; you are really loved. And even though life is still not always easy, there’s no place you’d rather be than right here is His awesome love.
Here is your prayer for your 19th year of this beautiful life:
God, you’ve blessed me. Holy, holy, holy Father- you favor me. I am overflowing with gratitude and joy. This past year, you chased me down like a lost sheep. You found me when I was in my darkest places and gave me more grace and love than I deserve. You’ve restored the things I had lost and broken, you’ve healed my heart and given me zeal. I will never be the same! I want to make a commitment to you: this year I will walk firmly in the identity you have given me and live life to the fullest everyday. I will let you take the lead and say “yes” wherever you ask me to go. I can do nothing without you. I will build your Kingdom wherever my feet stand. I will love myself, because I am beautifully and wonderfully made (and I know you don’t make mistakes.) I will love others without expecting being loved in return. I will be a person of worship, not just a person who worships, and I will lead others in doing the same. Hallelujah Lord, praise you! Spirit, help me in keeping this commitment to you. Amen.
Here’s your verse for your 19th year of this beautiful life:
Psalm 105:1-4
Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name;
make known among the nations what he has done.
Sing to him, sing praise to him;
tell of all his wonderful acts.
Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
Look to the Lord and his strength;
seek his face always.
Much love,
Abigail
