Training camp…. holy cow!!!THis is probably going to be a 2 or 3 part blog! I got home a 5 days ago and I have started this blog like 20 times since then, there is so much to say! Camp was seriously the most challenging thing i have ever done, challenging spiritually, mentally, and physically. I am starting at an odd place because it was the biggest accomplishment for me! This is going to be long, but stick with it because some amazing things happened!
We are going to fast forward to day 6 and the hike!!!!!I woke up the morning of the hike, half ready to conqueror it and half in utter and compete terror. The terror won that day, not even half way in i started telling myself i was never going to make it and this wasn’t something i could do. One of the guys on our Adventures staff named Matt came along side me and helped drag me along (literally i’m pretty sure he was dragging me). And the closer i got to the finish line the more my squad mates started to join in and encourage me and try their best to help me and i remember getting to a point where i was almost at the end and i had 1 min left to round this corner and climb this hill and i gave up. I pushed everyone away and gave into the voice that told me i couldn’t do it. I got up the hill about a minute and 20 sec behind what i was suppose to and literally just sat and cried. I was so heartbroken and upset that i couldn’t do it. I had trained and prepared for this but lost the mental battle. I remember sitting on the concrete floor of the pavilion crying but being so dehydrated that no tears were coming out. I finally got up to walk back to my campsite to get ready for the day and as i walked past ppl they were asking how it went and i just shook my head not wanting to talk about it. Truth be told i just wanted to hide i didn’t want to talk to or see anyone i was so embarrassed that i was the only one on my squad that couldn’t finish the hike and i didn’t want to see the looks of disappointment on their faces. When i got back to my campsite my squad had been so nice to set up my tent for me and had my pack waiting inside of it. I could see on all their faces that they wanted to be there for me but didn’t really know how. (i hadn’t been the most open and approachable person up to that point) so we all just went about our day personal time and breakfast. I put my headphones on and walked around for awhile trying to get lost in my music. I came across a group of my squad mates and my dear friend Maggie was brave enough to ask how i was doing and asked me to sit down and talk about how i was feeling. I spilled, i told them how upset i was and how i was dreading having to do that all over again and how i pushed everyone away and i felt bad about that. It was at that point that she called out a truth that i have been denying for a very long time. Which was that i need community and i cant do this alone. At the moment when she told me i didn’t really embrace it i kinda just let it be there for a min.
A few min later we were all walking down to the training center for session when Fran (our squad mentor) found me and asked if i was ready to do my re-hike the next morning. ( i told her right after the first one i didn’t want to wait i wanted to get it over with) i agreed and she told me i could choose 1 of my squad mates to do it with me. My immediate thought was i didn’t want anyone to do it again i wanted to do it alone. She gathered my squad up and informed them what was going to happen and they had all come up with a plan that if it was ok with me they all wanted to be there for my re-hike they wanted to spread out along the course and cheer me on. I was a little eh about this plan.(i didn’t want them to see me struggle and if i failed again i didn’t want and audience) But maggie’s words came back to me and i figured it was one small step in the direction if letting ppl be there for me. So i agreed to let them spread out but no one was going to join in on my hike they were to stay at there spot and that was it! As we were walking into session i was playing with the idea that it might be nice to have someone there to help me along, help me keep on a good pace and i had a person in mind. So as we were standing around waiting for session to start, Jenny came up to me and with complete willingness and even excitement offered to be the person that hiked it again with me. I told her that she was actually the person i was thinking about asking and she 100% no questions asked agreed! Many conversations happened that day about positive self talk and ways for my squad to love me through this. I was so overwhelmed by the amount of people that wanted and genuinely wanted to be there for me and help me get through it in any way they could.
The next morning my alarm went off at 6am and as i started to get all my stuff together to start packing when i noticed lights starting to come on in other tents and i heard ppl rummaging around, in that moment i started to tear up. I was in complete shock that everyone was waking up extra early just to be there for me! Before i knew it most of my squad was outside my tent helping me get packed and ready for the hike! Some offered to carry my pack grab my water and just walk down to the starting point with me. While down there Jenny and i came together and prayed, my squad came together and prayed and at 7am we were off. I didn’t just have Jenny in my corner i had Fran too which was a total surprise! We finished the first lap 2 min faster than the day before so i was feeling pretty good that was my min i needed to make up! Then lap 2 started lol!!! As we were going about the course my squad mates were out there cheering me on praying for me and supporting me. I had a goal to be at a certain spot by a certain time and when we got to that spot Fran told me i only had 4 min left (i wanted to be there with 6 min left) Fran and jenny told me “Abby you said u weren’t doing this a 3rd time so you need to hustle.” in that moment i was soooo tired i could barley breath and i felt like i couldn’t even walk anymore let alone jog! As we got closer to the finish line Fran was calling out my time and at one point she told me i had 2 min left and I took off running because there was NO WAY i was going to do that again!! I made the final climb up the hill my WHOLE squad was there cheering at the top of there lungs LITERALLY!!! I made it up the hill just sat down everyone helped take gear off and was hugging me and Matt came over and sat down next to me and said “you officially have 2 min left what do you wanna do with them” in that moment i was ecstatic not only did i finish, i finished with 2 min left!! i was so proud of myself, Jenny and Fran for pushing me and being right there with me the whole time. (guys Jenny even repacked her pack and wore it for the whole hike right along with me. None of the other helpers with the other hikers did that, shes a rockstar) After a nice cold bucket shower I called my mom to tell her the good news and she asked my time i told her and she goes yep i prayed you would finish in 36 min! (guys my time was 36 and some change, insert total shock at Gods awesomeness)
My whole squad played such a huge part of helping me complete that hike and i could never say thank you enough! From everyone waking up early, to helping me pack and then getting my cloths and shower stuff, to setting up my tent AGAIN and everything in between. That day I learned what TRUE community was! Its being there even when things are tough and ppl are hard to love, its just showing up and being willing, its showing Gods love no matter how early you have to wake up!
Stay tuned for more training camp fun to come!!!
