Obedience, not a word most people like very much. It means following someone else’s instructions, it means trusting they know better than you it means making yourself humble enough to follow instead of lead. Its a word that has keeps getting brought up in different actions throughout the last few days.
I have been seeing someone for the last few months and a few months in I realized this might not be a good thing or a God thing. But it was nice to be wanted and cared for so I kept it going. Finally spring break came and things started to go downhill and FAST, i started finding out things that really hurt me and it just kept happening over and over. So at the beginning of May I finally prayed (why is that always our last resort *face palm*) the HARDEST prayer one I had been avoiding for MONTHS. The prayer is ” Lord let your will be done. Whatever needs to be taken from me take it. Your plan over mine.” I knew the minute I prayed that prayer things were over with the guy and I. I had been hiding my head in the sand avoiding Gods plan and Gods will, taking my life into my own hands and it lead to pain, and hurt and lots of tears! With everything else going on (moving and leaving for the world race) I knew it couldn’t last but you know there’s always that little piece of you that hopes you are wrong that God will “change his mind” lol it happens right! (i’m joking) Ignorance is bliss! So I finally decided with all the changes going on mine as well rip the band-aid off now get all the bad over with at one time. So we had plans Saturday and I knew that was the last time I was going to spend time with him and I woke up with that thought and it hurt. I prayed for God to take this pain and to give me strength. His response… get out of bed go to your table.( Ya’ll don’t know this but my step dad and mom made me the beautiful kitchen table, i do most of my studying there) well my thought was umm God my table is covered in boxes and paper and things, Gods response… move them. So being obedient for the first time in awhile I cleared a little spot sat down with my bible and said ok now what… so ling story short he lead me to a devotional that was about strength! God didn’t take my pain but he gave me the strength to walk away and in my obedience i found comfort.
Letting go is hard, no matter if its letting go of people or your plans its just hard! I have been saying a lot that letting go of the guy isn’t what I WANT to do, I don’t WANT to end. Its letting go of control, letting go of what you have planned for your life and letting God take the lead.
Missions was never something I was interested in. I read my team mates blogs and missions is something that most of them have said is something that they always wanted to do and the world race is a dream come true! For me… the opposite, I never wanted to do missions. The thought of talking to people I don’t know about God terrified me. I have friends that have done a lot of missions work and i liked watching from the safety and comfort of my couch and a/c. But last year God started to move and work and make it undeniable for me apply. Again once I gave in and trusted his will and not my own, his plan and not mine I am on an incredible journey and I can not wait to change lives and i am OVER THE MOON excited to be apart of an amazing opportunity! It all came from letting go of MY plan and letting God work on me and mold me and change me. If you ask me my plan was house, kids, husband, and or course a ranch lol God definitely changed all that. Don’t get me wrong those are all still things that I deeply want but they aren’t as important anymore.
When we truly let go and let God lead he will place desires in your heart for things that you never expected, and he will give you those desires according to his will. When we align out thoughts and heart with his everything changes! You will find a joy that is new, a hope that is every lasting. Letting go is hard and we fight it like crazy but if we stay focused on WHO is changing us maybe its a little easier.
