I wanted to write about what right now looks like for me.
I’ve been thinking about this four letter word a lot. We use it very often. Some people find it in people. For most its a place. We sigh to ourselves and say lets go there after a long day. HOME.
A word thats a bit confusing for me right now. Heres why. I’ve lived in 8 different countries these past months. Met people who have completely changed me and impacted my life. Recently, My friend Jessie said something that resonated with me. “What is home?” I’ve lived out of a 70 liter hiking backpack and a daypack. Proudly, I’m a vagabond.
Vagabond- having no settled home
These past months I have had no set home. I’ve dragged these bags. Unpacked. Loved hard and left. They might not have been my set home, but in that moment. They were home. I made them my home.
In Panama, I found home on the shores of Playa Las Lajas. Walking a block to swim in the sea. I found home laying on the sand knowing that this Florida boy is right where he needed to be.
In Costa Rica, I found home in a small town called Playa Azul. I found my home on dirt that would bring a community together in a whole new way. I found home in a park in Jaco feeding some of the nicest people I’ve met who started strangers and ended as friends.
In Nicaragua, I found home in so many places. I found it in the dining area sharing countless meals and stories together. I found it in the pavilion where sweet local kids would come and practice their skateboarding and rainbow kicks for Sundays big game.
In Honduras, I found home in Casa Verde that holds so many memories and laughs and hard conversations.
In Malawi, I found home in the town of Cape Maclear where my friend Stephen showed me his country and called me friend no questions asked. I found home in the house of Pastor Chinyama and his sweet family and their home that is filled with music singing and so so much love.
In Zambia, I found home on the couch of Kubu Cafe’ a cozy cafe where we would rest and feel at home and sweet Erica would greet us with the warmest welcome. I found home under a pavilion that we shared meals under and studied God’s word and played games and lived in true, real community.
In Lesotho, I found home in the cozy space of Malelea Lodge writing and recording stories on a comfy couch.
In Cambodia, I found home in a small village outside of Siem Reap where I gained a bunch of new friends in the form of sweet children who taught me so much.
Right now, I’m finding home back in America. Transitioning back into the everyday. Adjusting to all these things that I’ve been without. Sometimes our plans change. Sometimes its not us who changes them but God.
I’m sad. I’m hurting. To be honest with you, I don’t know whats next. I have dreams. I have thoughts.
Most importantly, I have HOPE.
I have hope one day I will see Miguel the sweet boy who stole my heart in San Felix, Panama again.
I have hope one day I’ll run into Eddie. The man I told that his sobriety was important and the next day he was on a bus to San Jose to rehab. I have hope I’ll return to Costa Rica one day and see him with his daughter Maripaz. Happy, Sober, knowing he is loved.
I have hope one day I will step off a bus in Granada, Nicaragua again. I will see my dear friend Ismael and get to drink a chai from Garden Cafe’. I have hope one day I’ll return to Panatnal and hug so many humans who have impacted my life so greatly. I have hope more people will be able to experience the special place that is REAP Granada.
I have hope that in the future I can eat Pizza and hear more of the wisdom that spews from my friend Hannah every time she speaks and we can dream about what God has next for us. I have hope that one day I’ll return to Sigua and see Denis and Isa and I have hope one day Angelo will be a soccer superstar
I have hope one day Stephen will find the cure for malaria just like he told me he wanted to. That he will be a Doctor just like he dreamed. And one day I have hope I will see him on the dirt streets of Cape Maclear again.
I have hope for Zambia. I have hope that people will not only see it for the Victoria Falls or the safaris but the humans whose stories are so worth telling.
I have hope for Lesotho. The sweet kingdom in the sky. I have hope for the kids who walk to school alone. I have hope for the shepherds who work so long. I have hope for the young men who go to initiation school wondering if theres something more out there.
I have hope for Cambodia. I have hope that one day the human trafficking will stop. I have hope that the kids who I know in that village will be dreamers and those dreams will come true.
Finally, I have hope for myself. I have hope that this new season will be good. That theres goodness in the sadness and the hurt.
On the race we did this thing called team time. On my first team I did a team time every month every month called “Goodbye Road.” It was something we did with our journals where we would write which person or persons impacted us that month. I got the idea from the EP Drew Holcomb, Penny and Sparrow and Johnnyswim put out together. One of the lines in the song title says:
‘Sometimes flowers grow in the soil of ashes
Pick ’em as you go down Goodbye Road
We made our home down Goodbye Road’
Thank you K squad. Thank you for those who supported me. Thank you to these eight amazing countries. Thank you to the amazing people I met along the way. I am not the same man who got on a plane in August. I don’t know whats next but I am hopeful.
Forever your neighbor,
Z
