Can I just start with saying, God is good y’all! My heart is so full. I’ve been home from training camp for a couple days and I have been bouncing back ideas about what to share in this blog. My friends tease me that my Instagram birthday shoutouts are a novel! How can I recap ten incredible days in one blog post?! Well, here goes nothing.
Going into training camp I was so uneasy. I was fearful of what my squad would think of me. I was completely listening to the lies of the enemy. I was having this reoccurring nightmare that I would injury something huge and have to be sent home and withdraw from the race. I thought out every terrible scenario. Little did I know, my world was going to be flipped upside down.
Pulling into the Adventures in Missions was completely surreal. Hearing the honking of the vans, people jumping at the entrance was honestly so calming and inviting for me coming from a camp culture. In that moment I felt a surreal amount of peace over take me. I remember I just looked at my squad mate Anthony and we just smiled at each other. I think it was Jesus telling us that we belong here.
My squad. I don’t even know where to start. They are loving, they are true. they are Children of the most high! They are the 31 sweet souls I get to travel the world with for eleven months with. Working at camps, I knew people could become close. I experienced it. I was the counselor that sobbed on the last closing day. Never have I experienced the unity, love, family, loyalty of a group of people in a short amount of time than I did in those ten days. Jesus knew. He always will. And he perfectly, beautifully, graciously placed all of us in this squad and turned us into a family.
On Saturday, they planned a man hike for all of us to spend time outside and in brotherhood. As I walked into the meeting the day before, fear overcame me. I am not as in shape as the other guys on my squad let alone all the guys here. I began hearing these lies of I wouldn’t finish and couldn’t. I was excited to do this because I am a Florida boy through and through. We have beach days, go surfing, play sand volleyball, golf, we do NOT climb mountains. Or at least thats what I thought.
Saturday morning comes and we are standing in front of the vans that will take us to our hike. I’m eating a hard-boiled egg and trying to keep it down because my nerves and anxieties are everywhere. I remember I kept saying “I’ve never done something like this before. Theres no mountains in Florida.” In translation, I was saying “I don’t think I can do this. Do I really have to do this?” Our guide informed us that the first hour is pure incline. The beginning is the hardest. I put on my backpack and started stretching.
He was for sure right. The first part was the hardest. It was so hard but so cool. I kept looking all over. There was such lush trees, plants and flowers. I was in awe of the creation of the creator. At a certain point we were challenged to hike in silence. To hear from the Father. In that time frame, the Lord told me so much. I am for sure an extrovert in every definition of the word. I love community. From the very beginning, the guys on my squad were for me. They had my back. So as soon as we were told to hike in silence I somewhat panicked.
I panicked because I was thriving from their encouragement! Their words were pushing me to go. So once we entered the silence I began to pray and ask the Lord, “Show me Lord” just that simple. I just want to know. I heard so much in those 30 minutes. He told me that the silence was intentional. the silence is to teach me that I don’t need words to get me through I need Him! When we were inclining, I was grabbing onto trees, and branches to help pull me up. At one point, I bumped this thin branch and all these flowers came flying and a few landed in my hair and on my sweaty forehead.
To be truly raw and vulnerable with you guys, I’ve struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. I got struck with it when I was in high school. Its like this scab. Its somewhat healed but then you fall again and it reopens and the blood is leaking. It can come and go. Its hard to admit. But C.S. Lewis once said “To love at all is to be vulnerable.” Thankful to say for me, The scab is healed. Even in the hard times. I know my identity in Christ. I’m His! Such a sweet truth we sometimes forget. So as I was already losing gas and these flowers fell on my head I immediately thought of one of my favorite songs from a group called Mumford and Sons. This song overwhelms me with peace and I thought of a part of the song that goes:
“But there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.”
I couldn’t help but just laugh and almost cry when it entered my mind from the Lord. “Get over your hill and see what you find there..” Those words were convicting. They were convicting because there were times where I truly wanted to end it. To be done. Here I am, not even halfway on this mountain and here I am having those thoughts enter my mind. In the same breath it was motivation. I wanted to get over the hill I was on. I wanted to see what was next. I knew what He had for me on the mountain top was greater than what I was going through in that valley.
At some point in the silence, the light started to break through more and more. And the rocks on the ground became bigger. I just remember looking up and gasping. We had reached the top of one of the hills. It was breath taking. I couldn’t stop smiling. I never thought in a million years that I would be standing where I was.
Fast forward to about maybe halfway to the end. Our guide told us once we reached a place called “Preacher’s Rock” it was a mile down to the end straight down hill. I was ready and eager. I was beyond ready. At one point, I took a step and ended up slipping in the mud and rolled my ankle so bad. I knew it wasn’t good and I was concerned with how I was gonna finish this thing. I ended up slowing down big time. I was scared. Somewhere along the way I realized everyone had gone ahead of me and I was by myself. I heard rustling in the branches and realized I needed to move so other hikers could pass by. Slowing down just made it worse. As the noise of feet moving got closer and closer I realized I knew this hiker! It was Wayne! Wayne was someone I had respected deeply all training camp. He was working with our squad all Ten days. Wayne shared so much wisdom on our hike the way down and in general. Wayne taught me the importance of brotherhood and selflessness. He taught me I can do hard things.
I remember I kept telling Wayne “You don’t have to stay, you can go.” or I would say “I’m sorry” or I would just ping pong of the two realizing this sprain was far worse than what I had intended. Hillsong has a song called “So will I” before training camp I listened to it non stop and more on the way to work. It became my prayer. The words pierced me. When Wayne came back and helped me finish the hike, this song came into my head solely for the last lyric.
“You’re the One who never leaves the one behind”
You see, Wayne came back. I look up to Wayne so much because he was such a cool reflection of Jesus. He’s kind, real, intentional, he asks hard questions. Looking back now and typing this I am convicted because when I had told Wayne “You can go ahead” I was pushing his brotherhood away. I also realized in this moment, thats how my relationship with Jesus was for a long time. “Lord, I can do this by myself. I don’t need you.” Jesus is so kind. He invites us into this adventure of serving him.
Donald Miller once wrote, “Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.” WOAH. Thats hard to hear. But I know this. Fear is a liar! Jesus silences fear! He silences it! I’m here to tell you that I can do hard things! Through Jesus. I can say that this quote is true because I thought I could not do this hike and Jesus showed me I can. With him. Fear almost made me forget my yes.
I’ll leave you with this. The joy of hearing God in the valley and the peace of finishing a trial with a brother in Christ is just proof that the valley is better when you look back and realize you had more joy in the hard times than on the mountain tops. Thank you Jesus for life and life abundant and thank you Wayne for walking in the valleys with me.
He’s in the valley,
Zach Davis
