Over the course of the past six weeks, God has done a great work in my heart. While going through this process it didn’t seem as if he was changing me, looking back I can see all that he has taught me. The information and Scriptures provided by Truett McConnell on the variety of topics actually served to help me better follow Christ. When I began these classes, I was certain that they were just a part of my future education. However, the Lord did something I wasn’t expecting: he brought conviction. The three biggest areas that I have felt God move in are confession, worship, and intimacy. He has shown me his love, patience, and worthiness, but above all else he has revealed to me his heart.
On the topic of confession, I realized how vast my Father’s love is for me. Before diving into this area, I had a skewed perception of who God is. I was seeing him as a God who became easily upset with me and this created a divide in our relationship. For this very reason I believe that the Lord placed me in this class: to show me his unwavering love for me. After I dug into Daniel 9, Holy Spirit brought me to the 23 verse and I knew it was straight from God. He showed me that he is not sitting up in heaven angry with me, but that I am “greatly loved” by him (9.23). I think that God desired this to be the basis of our future relationship. For me to grow deeper with him in any other area I had to first accept his true love for me. It is from his love that I live now, not for it.
Soon after this clarification that the Lord brought to me came some of the deepest conviction that I have ever experienced in my life. When preparing for my blog post on worship, the Scripture in John 4 pierced my heart. I read that we are to “worship the Father in spirit and truth,” because he “is seeking such people to worship him” (4.23). Through this I realized that God isn’t seeking worship, but rather the worshiper. To him, the important part is my heart. I could’ve made the most beautiful melody or played all the right chords but if my heart wasn’t in the right place, then all that I did was worthless. The Lord then brought me to David, a man who had a huge heart for worship. In Psalms 51, he tells us that God doesn’t want what we can do, but on the contrary he desires “a broken and contrite heart” (51.17). That is all that he looks for in worship, a right heart before him. Though I am not perfect with it, every time I find myself in worship now I make sure I am giving the Father my whole heart.
These two topics were the perfect segue into intimacy. This is something that I believe is so crucial in my walk with Christ, but it is also very new to me. Before coming on the race, my relationship with God was that of a distant friend. He was present but not always, he lived in me but was a very quiet roommate, and he loved me but that was just a fact that I knew. During training camp, when I found out that he was a Father who actually wanted to get to know me, I was amazed. From that moment on I have sought a deeper relationship with him. The Lord has shown me just how much he knows me. The entirety of Psalm 139, God used to communicate this to me. When I really meditated on the fact that he “formed my inward parts” and “intricately” wove me together, I fell into a place of overwhelming love (139.13,15). I believe that God wanted me to understand how deeply he cares about me in order to bring us closer together. He is my Creator, and he loves his creation. After this moment, Holy Spirit then brought me to the book of Job. For the longest time I understood this book to be about suffering. However, it was through the provided commentary that I was able to see that it was a story of true intimacy between God and man. Job was so close to the Lord, that he was real with him. He knew that God was his friend, and he wasn’t afraid to tell him what he was feeling. I believe that this is how God wants me to be with him. He wants me to be real, because that’s what an intimate relationship is.
So, overviewing all of the revelations Holy Spirit brought into my life I need to steward them in order to produce fruit in these areas. On confession, I know that I must memorize the Scriptures that tell of the way God truly is as to not fall victim to the enemy’s deceit. I believe it to be true that the only way I can know the truth is by “guarding it according to [His] word” (Psm 119.9). The best way to do this is to store it up in my heart. While I am in the Word, it is the perfect opportunity for me to get my heart right before the Father. Sitting in his presence, reading what he spoke, and giving him more of my time will allow for me to enter into worship with a correct heart. Finally, to foster intimacy, I have been seeking to spend more and more time with the Lord. I have found that when I give him bigger portions of my time he tends to lead me into deeper dependence upon him. As Hymn 411 reads, “No others friend so swift to help you, No other friend so quick to hear,” there is no one like my Jesus.
While there is so much that Holy Spirit is still cultivating in me, I see that God has already done some great things. I will celebrate the faithfulness of the LORD.
Works Cited
“Hymn 411.” Hymns of Grace, Pew ed., The Master’s Seminary Press, 2011.
