When I was back home, I lived in way that constantly dodged uncomfortable situations. There was never a time when I would go out into the community I lived in and seek to find Jesus in an abnormal situation. Instead, I found myself always looking for the easiest path with which I could experience the smallest growth. Discomfort was not on the top of my list as one of the best ways to experience Jesus.
However, the Race so far has taken any bit of comfort that I once enjoyed and thrown it out the window. I no longer live in my cool house with my warm bed, I no longer have my close friends all around me, or drive around a familiar town where I know everybody, but instead everything is the exact opposite. I share a small, hot room with 9 other guys, I am getting to know 47 complete strangers by just living with them, and I now walk around a town in which the people, who speak a different language, stare at me like a zoo animal. As a result of abandoning these physical comforts, I am looking more to Jesus as the Comforter of my life.
While being in a new physical environment has helped me to deepen my reliance on Christ, he soon began to show me the growth-stopping emotional comforts I often run to. It may seem hard to resist vulnerability in a tight community, but it is a lot easier to be reserved than completely open. As time passed here in Costa Rica, I found myself holding back on many personal thoughts, struggles, and ideas that I was afraid to share with my team. In order to avoid hard conversations and vulnerable talks I would put on my happy, outgoing personality as a sort of disguise. Fortunately, God wasn’t about to let me coast through the Race while putting on a facade. He sent a fellow squad-mate to ask me this question: “Do you hide behind your personality in order to fool others into thinking you’re alright?” I had never seen myself from this perspective before. God shook me down to my core. Currently, I am in the process of allowing others into my life, even the ugly parts. It may be painful, even awkward, but being more transparent has allowed me to let the Lord into parts of my life that have been closed off to him for too long.
Through all of this, my life has become very uncomfortable. I have seen the relaxed environment that I once delighted in abruptly dissolve in front of me. Though it is hard, I have seen God’s goodness in every part of my life. He truly is the great Comforter, and in order to experience that part of him I will continue to chase after the uncomfortable.
