I’m sinking

hey guys! I’m sorry I haven’t blogged for awhile, but I arrived in Thailand about 3 weeks ago and absolutely love it here. It is very hot and sweaty, but also this place is filled with joy! I want to share one thing that has been on my heart for a bit, but haven’t shared.

The other day I was listening to the song, “Sinking Deep” and I absolutely love this song! This song has opened my eyes to see what I need to be doing better. I will be honest this whole month has been really tough on me. I am struggling with being “checked out” of the race and not having my mindset on the race. My mind is elsewhere; thinking about when I get home, college, seeing family, etc. I have not focused about what the Lord has left for me on the race. 

Here is what I wrote in my journal: Lord here is my cry for help. I’m lost, I don’t know what to do and I don’t know where I am at in life. My life is messed up and i’m mad. My anger and bitterness is back and I don’t know how to control it. I’m stuck in trusting you and listening to what you tell me to do. God why is this happening to me and why do I always struggle with stuff, why me God?  Satan has ahold of something and I don’t know what it is Lord. I want to let go, but I can’t. I don’t think I’m making a difference in anyone’s life. I don’t have anything “cool” happening to me like everyone else does. I’m lost! I’m numb to feelings. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do. I want to be this godly image for everyone else, but I don’t think I am. I want to always reference your Word through tough situations, but I don’t. Lord this is my final cry, i’m lost, I need you, I’m scared, help me! March 13, 2019

As you can see from this I was lost. The song “Sinking Deep” has helped me realize i’m not alone. In the song it says, “when i’m lost You pursue me, lift my head to see your glory”. I could not relate more to this. God is still pursuing me even when I am lost. He sees that I am lost and still loves on me. He is not leaving me by myself, He is standing right there with me. I need to be wide awake, drawing closer to Him through every circumstance. All this fear built up inside of me needs to be removed because that is what is holding me back from growing closer to God. This is exactly what the song says. I’m just still in shock of how great our God is even when you don’t think about Him. His love is so deep for all of us. Lord thank you for giving me this opportunity of being here! 

Here are the lyrics for the song: