Why I came on the race?
I could tell a lie, that would make me seem like this awesome, perfect Christian who has everything figured out but thats just not who I am. The lie would be something around the lines of “At home I was a devoted Christian, I was in tune with Jesus, and I heard him calling me to this” but thats not the truth. I came on the race to escape from home. I was running from toxic friendships, and the person I was at home. I wanted to find Christ. Like really find Christ. I’ve been a luke warm Christian since I was 6 years old.
Who was I at home?
I didn’t feel like myself at home. I was myself, but I felt like there should be more to me. I tried to be the person that most people wanted me to be. Going to parties, and living in the social scene. I realized my senior year, that this person was not who I wanted to be. One night while at a party, I had an epiphany. As I sat there awkwardly and watched my friends drink, I asked myself “what am I doing here? I don’t even enjoy this.” Looking back I know that this change came from God.
How has God changed me since being on the race?
Feedback from one of my teammates: “you remind me of the phrase float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Float like a butterfly because you are gentle, and so loving. Sting like a bee because you refused to be walked on. You stand up for yourself and what you think is right. Sometimes the sting can be taken the wrong way and by no means do I think you do this intentionally. I encourage you to be mindful of how you deliver the sting.” To some of you, you may wonder what she means by this feedback, or why its significant. This feedback was what I needed to hear, it helped me realize what I was doing to people when I took my anger out on them. When I came on the race I had so much anger inside me, I lost my temper easily, and lashed out frequently. I had forgotten that other people had feelings, and I hadn’t realized that my words could actually impact them. I only thought about myself and what I wanted in life and never took the time to think about others, or consider what they had to say. Being on the race, living with seven other girls has taught me to think before I speak. I’m learning to find joy in tough situations rather than anger. My teammates have stayed by my side through it all. They’ve been teaching me, and showing me to find peace in my anger. I am no longer an angry person. I am more aware, and I continue to strive for that complete change God will provide me with. God is renewing my mind, and he’s been using scripture to teach me.
Romans 12:16 Live in harmony with each other, don’t be to proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people, and don’t think you know it all.
James 1:19-20 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.
Being on the race I have already learned so much. About five months ago I would not be able to say that I was sure a daughter of God, but today for a fact I know I am a daughter of God. He has used me to go out and be a disciple by allowing me to teach people my story and show people how to follow Christ. God has opened my eyes to see things that I never knew before. Today I can say my relationship with God has grown and I keep learning new things each day that He is showing me. He has shown me how to get rid of the toxic relationships I have had at home. He helped me find my self worth.
I started to stress with what I want to do after the race or where God wants me. But one of my teammates gave me this verse to remember and this verse made me realize a lot more. It made me realize that I should not be stressed and that I should not worry because God has it all under control. I just need to trust him. God knows exactly where he wants all of us to be and will not fail. He will guide me to the right path.
Proverbs 16:1 We can make our own plans, but the LORD gives the right answer.
