Day by day goal.
“May I be the same in character and posture regardless of my circumstances. May I be an uncompromisingly whole person.” – Scott the painter
THIS. This very quote has been my hearts cry for a long time. Something I want to be true to my core. I like the version of myself when I love & treat people how my heart is wired to, regardless of what’s reciprocated back, what isn’t, or how I am treated. On the contrary this has been a struggle for me. When love isn’t reciprocated, I tend to distance myself. For example, I love sending random encouraging texts to people. Just letting them know how awesome they are, cause who doesn’t love that reminder?! Plus words of affirmation is a love language of mine and I love expressing in that way, i love encouragement and I think it’s important to tell people how amazing they are, no matter how many times you’ve told them previously. But if I haven’t heard from someone in a long time, they never reach out to me, or the last time I texted they didn’t respond. I’ll not want to do it, I don’t freely give that love- but a lot of times I end up doing it cause I can’t help it. I suppose the part of me that longs to be uncompromisingly whole fights through. I want to be the kind of girl who can freely give love and treat people how my heart is wired to no matter what comes at me to try and negate that. I want to be the kind of girl that can walk into any room and rather than withholding, I cultivate. It reminds me of a quote by Ann Voskamp that says: “I can empty myself because counting His graces has awakened me to how He cherishes me, holds me, passionately values me. I can empty myself because I am full of His love. I can trust.”
That’s the key. I can give what I have freely because I am full of HIS love. I don’t want to withhold because it hurt that someone didn’t reciprocate the care I gave. Because if I do, it’s gonna be often that I’m not loving how I’m wired to because people love differently, love & care won’t always be reciprocated. BE. THAT. ANYWAY. Don’t wait to reach out to someone because you’re waiting for them to reach out to you first. If it’s on your heart to reach out, do it.
So that is my heart cry. Earlier today I was praying with my sweet teammate Amanda and as she was praying for me about this, I felt the Lord say “Let it be a day by day, moment by moment goal”.
That’s where I’ve been going about it wrong- thinking at one point I’d hit this huge breakthrough and I’d forever love people how I’m wired to without the hurt stopping me. That one day it would no longer ever be a struggle for me. I’d never have to think twice about it anymore. But that’s not the case. With living in a fallen world full of imperfect people(including me), you have opportunity every day to be hurt, or take things personally and get offended. So maybe it’s more of a day by day moment by moment goal. In those moments, to not take things personally and just love anyway. To get to the end of the day and ask “How did I love people today?”, and wherever I fell short- I can try again tomorrow morning. Where mercies are new everyday.
So here’s my prayer and if this resonates with you, this is for you too: Lord, thank you that you showed the greatest example of how we should love when you walked the earth. I pray that we can be who we have been wired to be, how you wired our hearts to treat others no matter how we are treated. Whenever those opportunities come to take things personally, that we would remove ourselves from it and ask you to help us see people the way you do and to care unapologetically. Because this is the kind of love the world needs. So I pray that you would be enough to where we can freely empty ourselves and never run dry because we are full of your love. And do this all in the fullness of joy. In your beautiful name we pray, amen.
Much love, T.
