We were in Morocco and it was just a regular day where our team was busy doing a project. Without this person necessarily intending it to be, they made a snappy comment towards me. My defenses immediately went up and I withdrew inwardly. I did not want to engage with this person, I did not want to cause further offense and I did not want to speak. That night I was still in this state and questioning why I was so offended and frustrated at this little comment. The same night Alysa spoke to us about inner healing (which God has been growing in me as a passion area). As she was speaking to the team, God was speaking directly to my heart.
I asked God what is the lie I am believing right now. Lie: you just shouldn’t speak.
I asked God what is His truth.
Truth: You think that you get in trouble/ stuff up more when you speak more and then want to prevent that so decide to shut up and not speak out, but that’s not what I want. I want you to be vocal. I want you to share and speak, to be yourself, to have confidence. I created you. I gave you a voice. You learn when you fail, don’t run from that or try and prevent it because it’s hard. Discipline is key. I discipline those I love. Don’t go back to your timid ways in childhood, I brought you out of that. Watch your words as they have power, but don’t restrict your voice. That’s not the solution.
For so long my natural response when I think I have offended someone or been criticized is to shut up and stop speaking. I always viewed it as the best way to prevent further harm and lashing out. God tells us to watch our words but He never says in His Word to restrict our voice. I struggled with this revelation for a while and felt like the enemy was trying hard to restrict my voice.
God has given me the gift of a powerful mind and made me more and more aware of thoughts that are not from Him. He now regularly reveals lies I need to cut down in my own life. Unfortunately, we are often so comfortable living in our lies. Sometimes they are so ingrained, some stemming since childhood, and we have adapted our way of living and thinking because of them. Sometimes these lies are like a climbing vine trying to get in the window of my heart.
God has graciously been revealing when those lies are growing and encourages me to cut them down at the root and pull them out so they cannot cover or choke what God values. But it is my choice and sometimes it is painful to acknowledge and allow Him to remove. Yet, He wants to replace those lies with His truth and build a beautiful garden free from weeds. He requires that we guard our hearts and minds by His Word and His Spirit.
The cool thing is that God knew all along what was to come and the enemy was trying to stop me. God told me to take a back seat in Morocco, to follow and act as a support role for my team. He was preparing me for what was in store.
I’ve just been asked to be a team leader this next month in Lebanon!
Now more than ever God wants me to use my voice mightily and for His glory. I was previously treasurer for my team and now God has called me to step into a different role of responsibility. He wants to use me, grow me and refine me. Please pray for my team and I as we transition into Lebanon. Pray also for my leadership, that it would be about empowerment and servanthood.
When our team was praying into Cyprus, God revealed to me that He was going to make me a mouthpiece for Him. What an incredible revelation when I was struggling to value my voice.
In a conversation with the Lord a couple of weeks ago He spoke: Take the pressure off you and put it on me. Expect me to show up. Expect me to lead. Expect me to reveal. Expect me to move. It’s not on you. I do the work. I want to use you, but you are the vessel. I do the work. You need only to rely on me and walk in obedience. Let me lead.”
