Okay, nightmare is a strong word. Stick with me.
It‘s month 11 of the Race as well as ATL (asl the Lord) month. Up until today, ATL stressed me out. Overwhelmed with language and cultural barriers, an empty slate full of nothing but a slight, unexplainable idea for ministry, and expectations from family, friends, and (mostly) myself, I have been stuck when it comes to the direction of my days. I like going with the flow, but I’m also a huge fan of structure and a schedule (mostly having set things to do). So when it came time for ATL month ( months 10 and 11 for my team ) I have inadvertently closed myself off to any word from the Lord and idea of what to do day by day.
We have spent the first 9 months of the race having a set ministry schedule guided by a ministry host. That’s what life looked like – partnering with people who have ideas for ministry. So when it came time for not having that structure I guess I panicked.
But the truth is, life looks like both.
Sometimes your life looks like 9-5 set Ministry working with kids or visiting nursing homes. Sometimes life is going to a cafe, taking a walk, or going grocery shopping. God doesn’t want us to live compartmentalized lives. He doesn’t want us to be the America ideal of productive all of the time where we check off things on our list, reach a quota for people to talk to about Him, or give X amount of time to the Kingdom. God desires for us to live our lives with Him being brought into whatever we are doing. He wants us to be interruptible when He asks us to do something or say something, acknowledge this person, or stray from plans in that way.
Today God’s truth in this finally broke through my stubborn head.
A few of us went grocery shopping today for the team and for food bags for some of the homeless on the streets here in Durrës. I love grocery shopping but I became very overwhelmed not knowing what exactly we needed, wanting to get what we needed while staying in our budget. With my anxiety up, I closed myself off to making eye contact with anyone, talking to the people working, and being overly kind and personable. I just wanted to focus on the task, like a horse pulling a wagon with blinders on. I put myself in my own bubble and went into self preservation mode. Thankfully I was shopping with Amy. My teammate Amy is great at being personable and intentionally kind and affectionate to everyone she’s around. I realized after we were done in the two grocery stores that I had become cold and closed off. I saw Amy be a great example of Christ in small and simple ways throughout our trip. She talked to store workers, made eye contact, smiled, thanked people, and had simple conversations with a few strangers in the store. I realized I want to be more like Amy in that way – to let them know they are seen and loved, even in the smallest ways.
We took the public bus back to our place. Five of us got on the bus and sat down with all of our groceries. It worked out that I ended up sitting next to a stranger/friend. I had been praying while being out in town the last couple of days for God to help me start a conversation with a stranger. I’m not great at this, so I asked for that person to strike up a conversation with me. I was talking to a teammate about money for the bus and the man sitting next to me made a comment about the bus fare after hearing me speak English. Today sitting next to a stranger, the conversation started with a simple comment into talking about what J squad and I have been doing for the past year, and a handful of other life topics. A simple conversation on the public bus today gave a testimony of Jesus’ love to a stranger, turned into a friend. While we never talked about his faith or the gospel directly, I know a seed was planted in that conversation. I know there was a reason for it, even though I don’t know what that reason is.
What finally clicked for me today is that “ministry” isn’t always what we have created an expectation of. It isn’t always this grand event or gesture. Ministry can be as simple as having a conversation you weren’t expecting to have. I’m not saying to not be intentional and never plan anything out, but to be intentional to bring God into your day and to be intentional with your openness to having conversations or showing someone more kindness and attention than you may want to. Ministry can be found in the most mundane tasks and routines as long as you are open to it. It can happen when you least expect it – and if you’re not open to being interrupted, even in the smallest way for the Kingdom you will miss it.
