There are many things to say about Vietnam. It is a gorgeous place, full of wonderful people. I felt at home in Vietnam. My team had an incredible host family that made us feel so welcomed and so loved. We got the chance to spend some time with a few Americans, who were on a short-term mission trip serving alongside us. They showed us just how much we have grown in the short 4 months we have been on the field (being around people from the US allowed us to see the small changes that we hadn’t noticed in each other because we were so desensitized to them). Despite all the great things that were going on, I struggled. This was easily the hardest month on the Race for me.
Yes, I struggled in Ukraine.
Yes, I struggled in Romania.
Yes, I struggled in Bulgaria.
But Vietnam was the lowest of the lows for me. It started off on the one year anniversary of my dad getting cancer. I knew in my heart that I was supposed to be on the plane heading from Bulgaria to Vietnam, but everything in my mind wanted me to be at home. I felt homesick. I felt guilty. The Enemy was throwing everything at me to make me go home. But I rested in the fact that I serve a God that loves me so dearly that He knew I (with His strength) could handle being away from my family on a day that rocked my world a year prior. I cried on the plane, begging God to surround me with His love. That’s when a friend that was sitting next to me reached over and gave me a pat on the shoulder. God knew that was all that I needed to see His love covering me. I didn’t need a hug, or someone to pray with me (even though I knew my team and squad were praying for me). I just needed a small sign that God had heard me and that He knew I was stronger than the Enemy.
Arriving in Ho Chi Minh City, I was overwhelmed with the heat and humidity that reminded me so much of home. I wanted to cry tears of joy over being in a climate that is so similar to what I grew up in. We found our host and walked to our taxis, but not before passing a Popeye’s Chicken. Of course, God would show me His love in a way that I would understand. He was showing me things that ever so slightly reminded me of home. Small, subtle ways that spoke directly to my heart that was so desperately wishing to be back home. Once in the taxis, our driver played what else, but cheesy 90’s ballads that made me laugh and smile from ear to ear. Because what else would you listen to in a taxi in Vietnam? But yet again, I knew that God was showing me He loved me.
We settled into our home for the month and I got slammed with more bad news. Someone that I considered a role model was killed in an accident. I was devastated. It is hard to grieve at a place that is unfamiliar and without the comforts of home. I wrestled with God.
“How could you do this?”
“How could you take her so early?”
“She was a good one for your kingdom!”
“The kingdom needs her here more.”
That was selfish of me. God knew this was going to happen. It was His plan from the beginning.
I learned a lot from the first two weeks in Vietnam. I learned that even if I don’t feel it, God is always there and He is always choosing me. I just have to choose Him. I learned that God is always at work, even when we can’t see what His hand is doing to save us. I personally needed to feel unexplainable sorrow to commit to seeking out joy. Greg Morse said it really well,
“Men have killed to have it. Kings have gone mad trying to find it. Wars have served it. Affairs have worshipped it. We all seek it. And billions have died without discovering its secret: joy is not an it, but a He.”
Once I rediscovered that joy was a choice and that choice was choosing Him every day, all the time, life got a little better. I was able to enjoy the rest of my time in Vietnam: the gorgeous place, full of wonderful people. I felt more at home in Vietnam that I did in my own hometown. I was able to enjoy the ministry that I was doing (which was painting a daycare, so a form of construction). Vietnam recaptured my heart and I loved it.
It was only fitting that at the end of the month, we headed into team changes. And, of course, my new team is committed to finding joy. God is funny in how He plans things out. Looking back, events that seemed like the world was ending, were in fact catapults that pushed me to new heights with Him. It’s an incredible thing really.
So, I am learning from the hard things that I have been brought through and focusing on the joy that was there throughout it all. And, of course, looking at the pictures of the super cute kids that were at the daycare.
As always, I invite you to make my journey, your journey. Here are three simple ways:
- The most important, PRAY.
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Also, if you are feeling called to support the World Race in a financial way, a couple of my squadmates are still in need of help. Click on their names below if you would like to know more about them!
