Let me take you back to January 14th, 2018. If you already know this date and have it carved in your mind forever I commend you. Yes, it was in fact the day of the Minnesota Miracle. The day that Stefon Diggs rewrote the history books to claim himself the King of the North. The Vikings produced a miracle with time fleeting to advance over the New Orleans Saints onto the NFC Championship. The entire state was on an all time Minnesota Sports high – one that will be told to great great grandchildren. However, a fatal week later they would fall to the Philadelphia Eagles and their hopes and dreams of becoming the first team to play a Super Bowl in their own stadium were crushed.
An epic failure.
On an all time Jesus high with breakthrough revelations. A turning point in my faith walk and now a part of my testimony I’ll share forever to feeling like it’s over and I made it to the next game, faced a new opponent but I didn’t show up to play and failed. Lost the game… that’s where I’m at.
I wrote a blog back in Nicaragua, month three, called Nothing to Prove. I wrote on my inner identity crisis I didn’t know was going on inside of me.
I told you I was done with comparing, with striving, with trying to measure up and be enough.
Well here’s the news for you… I am an epic failure.
I have not been able to block out all the comparison. I have not been able to put aside every thought that entices me to try to prove to people I’m worthy enough.
I’ve compared myself with my teammates and their spiritual journeys.
I’ve compared myself with other teams and their ministry sites.
I’ve thought about what I can do to make my presence known at family Christmas when I wasn’t there.
I tried to make sure I gave the best gifts for those I loved because I want to be the one giving the best gifts!
I could be disappointed in this but it’s a continuous process. Hence, this second blog!
However, I have made tangible steps forward such as, not touching the explore button on Instagram (girls, I think you can strongly agree this is a huge step!), I have not entertained many thoughts of comparison from friends back home. I have not attempted to go out of my way to do things that I would only do out of striving for someone to like me and I believe all of these although small, are victories!!
In my ‘Jesus Time’ as I call it I listened to a podcast that taught me it was time to be done with comparison. We studied 1 Samuel Chapter 18 and the story of King Saul.
God promised that He would replace him and King Saul was threatened with comparison! So in reality, if a King, someone with wealth, power and prestige can be insecure and struggle with comparison isn’t it simple to think you can too? YES!
So here are some points that I’ve learned about comparison.
1. Wake up you’re getting robbed!
Teddy Roosevelt said it best “Comparison is the thief of joy”, and somebody is in your house (your brain) STEALING your joy!!! You need to identify the what, the who and the when.
The what for me:
-followers on social media
-relationship status
-post-graduation plans
-adventures
-self-confidence
-athletic performance
-looks
-academic performance
-perceived Godilness
These are all things I can answer the question, “what do you compare about yourself?” to.
So now for the who… just kidding I won’t list names but answer in your own head who you compare yourself to. Is it your best friend, a celebrity, a family member, a significant other’s ex, your mentor? I’ll be truthful when I’ve compared myself to all of the above so you’re not alone nor should feel ashamed if that’s you too.
The when am I being robbed? The answer I learned stung me a little – it’s CONSTANTLY! I am always on social media comparing highlight reels to my behind the scenes. I am looking at all the results of others and comparing it to my process. Every where you look you can make a thought and compare yourself to that.
I enjoyed the example the pastor spoke about comparing phones. He was able to go onto Apples website and right at the top there is a ‘compare’ button. You can view all the different phones and their features and see which is the best one that suits you. Then he asked if you were a phone who would be the people next to you and what features are you comparing? Uffda. That hurt because without even starting to have thought about it people and things popped in my head, my self-conscious knew.
2. Comparison feeds on the ‘er and as factor. (this is my favorite)
Where the downfall of King Saul happened it was at the start of his comparison. He compared the praise he was receiving to the praise David was receiving. He was still receiving praise but he needed it to be great-ER than David’s to satisfy him.
John Dewy says, “The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to feel important”. To add to this we desire to feel important by man! The Almighty has already told you that you are important.
The -ER factor: We are constantly longing to be smart-ER, pretti-ER, wealthi-ER than somebody.
We need everyone around us to be a nobody so we can be a somebody.
The AS factor: This is the factor of an idea world where you’ll never measure up. If I could only be AS smart, AS pretty, AS wealthy as that person then life would be perfect.
However, perfection is an illusion we’ll never reach.
The reality of these two things is that first off you will always come across someone that has the -ER or AS factor over you! While you’re comparing yourself to others there are people out there comparing themselves to you!!
3. Comparison has T E R R I B L E side effects.
King Saul you see in in 1 Samuel 18:8 had his comparison lead to anger, then in verse 9 it led to suspicion and paranoia and finally in verse 12 fear. Eventually, the comparison King Saul had led to the attempt to kill David, lose respect from everyone and in the end take his own life.
Here are the side effects of comparison, try to mark which ones you’ve come across:
a. competition – “Comparison fuels competition that starves connection and ruins relationships” Have you ever compared yourself to a friend so much that suddenly you can’t seem to be friends with them because you let the -ER factor get to you?
b. pride – you look for people that you’re better than so you can feel better about yourself
c. envy – you wish you had less of what God has given you and more of what He gave someone else (I find this a lot in my personal life with everyone that is musically talented or super crafty.)
d. anxiety – constant worry about not being enough
e. exhaustion – you will actually never do enough
f. resentment – you will resent others success because their success makes you feel like a failure
g. unhealthy gratification – you will celebrate others failure because you are more of a success than them (Never realized I have secretly done this in athletics and school.)
h. dishonesty – you’ll live a lie in an attempt to measure up, you’ll act happy and self assured but in reality you are sad and stressed
This is not a fun point to state out. In fact, it’s hard truths that hurt. The World Race is teaching me that these things need to be said and they need to be talked about. These side effects that consume us because of comparison is the exact reason we need more God and the first step to finding God is realizing you need Him!
4. The cross of Christ does what comparison can’t. (The coolest point)
God has never asked us to fill shoes. When I was asked to be a captain of my collegiate soccer team or president of one of the campus organizations I was apart of I was never asked to be the person that held the position before me. All I was asked was to be faithfully me! That is what God has called us to. To be exactly faithful to who He made us to be and not strive to be like someone else He wonderfully created.
A win for a brother or sister in Christ is a win for the Kingdom and ultimately a win for me!
Leon Festiger, a psychologist, created the Social Comparison Theory in 1954. He states, “We determine our own social and personal worth based on how we stack up against others”.
Why? Because we want to see how much we are worth.
We look at it with three different views:
-ER factor over someone else: I’m worth more
-ER factor over you: I’m worth less
AS factor: I’m worth just as much as that person
The problem is that these views are based off of world values and the world’s values are constantly changing!! This means that our worth and value is constantly changing UNLESS we look somewhere else.
The cross.
1 Peter 1:18-19 “For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.”
God has already determined our value and worth – it was his perfect son, Jesus. We are worth the body and blood of Jesus Christ. Not by earning it or working for it but freely receiving it!!
Enough with trying to compare yourself to measure up and find our value on this Earth, God has already deemed it so. The question is …
Is this truth enough for you?
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I felt it important to share with you my journey on how exactly how I’m getting to where I am with my identity in Christ and how slowly He is changing my every day thoughts. It’s not quick and simple, it takes time, determination and self reflection but I notice a difference in myself. One that is more joyous, a person who is just more free and a person that wants others to have the exact same joy and freedom she has.
I know this will reach those that need to hear it, doesn’t matter the age, gender or ethnicity. You can choose to admit it or not but we all struggle with comparison in our identity. I can only pray you’ll seek freedom from it.
So on this journey I continue, the Lord’s hands at work.
Much love and many blessings,
Rachel
