We’ve hit major B zone folks! To describe to you what the B zone is just imagine the top of a roller coaster going up (A zone) then it goes down (B zone) and back up again (C zone). Just so happens we have slid into the most difficult months on the race.
The months they tell our parents to expect a call saying, “I’m coming home” and they should respond, “No, you’re not”.
The B zone is just a season where life a little more rough, where you find yourself caving into the more negative aspects of your environment.
This is the point where showers are no longer common, bugs hidden amongst your clothes, under your bed and around your food are normal. It’s the point where personal money is mostly spent on whatever chocolate you can find and every ‘American’ meal that is made is just a little off tasting.
We are in the dead middle of our race, not closer to having launched or returning home. Currently, in Africa where it is most difficult to connect with home due to little to no wifi, a very odd time difference and difficult to find any of the comforts from home.
The holidays have also come and are still in tune as New Years Eve is around the corner. Our Malawian ministry host told us that Americans are crazy because we celebrate Christmas all year! While we told him this wasn’t true, it is true that the day after Thanksgiving we hang out stockings although some may debate sooner.
With that I’ve been dreaming of home since the end of November.
I’ve been sitting day and night thinking about the smell of apple cinnamon or vanilla candles, red and green twinkling lights, snow covered streets, cozy sweaters, ABC Family’s 25 days of Christmas always on the TV. I’ve been seeing videos and photos of family baking sessions, ski trips, matching pajamas, family game nights and it’s been …. really hard.
I don’t say it lightly when all these things take a sting at you. I haven’t been away for the holidays once in my 23 years of living and this one was so … different. Getting homesick and realizing that I have a lot of time left on this journey isn’t easy either. Friends and family from back home say that time has gone so quickly they can’t believe it! However, when you are taken away from your environment, away from your routine, away from all you’ve known and loved and thrown into something that the only constant thing is change – time doesn’t go as quickly.
The closest I’ll get to my family this holiday season is a phone screen and that’s not enough to overcome the feelings of missing home currently.
But my teammate Lakota said it best,
“It would be easy for me to see all the ways that this Christmas was different this year. But the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to the gift that my heart was yearning for most.
Family.
I was able to spend Christmas with our host’s entire family. They welcomed us with hugs, asked us our family traditions, and taught us new games. I even got to help the women prepare the meal. (Traditional Malawian Dinner) It was even sweeter that I got to spend this precious time with such loving teammates that feel like home, even when home feels so far away. This Christmas was different, but thankful I serve a Father that never is.”
I share that my heart is sad and that I’m missing home so those of you following this journey know my raw emotions. Know that we watch Nicholas Sparks movies to pass time and have an excuse to cry in front of our entire team. So those of you following back home see from my fun, light-hearted pictures but know that this journey isn’t always easy and isn’t always fun.
Some of you have spent months away from family. Some of you know the difficultly of staring into the darkness at night praying that when you open your eyes in the morning you’ll be home.
Don’t get me wrong, I am forever grateful for this trip and all the support I have received. I’m thankful for my incredible squadmates that try to bring the slightest hint of home to you. However, reality is that it just isn’t enough.
I’m learning to press into God more. I’m learning to trust in His plan. I’m learning to be fully dependent on Him.
As I enter into 2019 soon I know my God is with me and I know my family awaits. I will continue to update you on this incredible journey and let you know my real thoughts and feelings. I’m going in with a positive attitude and tons of gratitude.
I ask for prayers for my squad. Prayers that are hearts will be filled with love and joy. Prayers that the Lord will provide us with more smiles and laughter imaginable these next few months so we can continue climbing. I know I will leave this slump, I know I will be able to smile without forcing it to cover the homesickness thoughts in my head.
They never said it would be easy, but they said it would be worth it.
Much love and many blessings,
Rachel
