It smells like track.
If you’re a runner, you know what I mean. Track season elicits its own rain-washed, spring smell. Even though the weather this spring has been less than spring-like (thankfully, the weather has finally broken), there have still been days where I have stopped and reflected on this smell and how it sends me back to my track days. This has especially been in the forefront of my mind as the state meet for West Virginia was a week and a half ago. As I reminisce on the “good ‘ole days” I can’t help to think about how God has used my love for running to teach me lessons about my character, allowed me to trust Him more, and ultimately glorify His name above everything.
Running will always have special place in my heart. I started out as an awkward, scrawny 14-year-old running cross country for the first time. I will never forget my first time running three miles. I literally thought I was going to die. The sport of running quickly grabbed ahold of my heart and became a passion of mine. It blossomed into a high school career of essentially running year-round, always preparing for either cross country or track. It brought many lasting friendships, the highest highs, and the lowest lows.
Running even gave me an opportunity to run at the collegiate level, which had always been a goal of mine since I first began running. I was given the opportunity to run cross country and track at Marshall University, a D1 college in Huntington, WV.
Now let’s reflect on 14-18 year old Rachel’s heart. I definitely loved Jesus and had put my faith in His death and resurrection for my salvation, but I wasn’t giving everything to Him. I wasn’t finding my full identify in Jesus. I was finding it in MY ability to run, MY ability to sing (I was a choir nerd, and proud), MY ability to get good grades, and in MY relationships with other people.
Little did I know, God was about to wreck me.
Fast forward to my freshman year of college. I was running cross country at Marshall, and I was happy with how my season was going. I was adjusting well to school, and God provided me with a community of believers that I had not experienced prior to college.
I quickly began to grow in my faith, and I realized what following Jesus really looked like. I recognized that I was not giving everything to Him, but rather I was choosing what I would give to Him. I discovered Christ-like community and encouragement from other believers. I met people who cared more about my soul and eternal value than how fast, smart, or “loveable” I was.
This is how Christ loves us.
In the spring, I had an injury that caused me to red-shirt the season. I went through a tough recovery and was able to ease back into training for the fall cross country season. All the while, I was still focused on me and MY ability to recover and come back better than ever. I had spent the whole summer training and felt like I was in the greatest shape of my life.
Upon moving back into the dorms and preparing for a new school year, something happened. Something had switched inside of me.
I woke up one day and realized I hated running like this. I was MISERABLE. I didn’t want to run competitively anymore. I was done.
With it being the beginning of the cross country season, I realized that while I was completely miserable getting up and doing something that now wasn’t as enjoyable to me, I could not quit. Even though I wanted nothing more than to be done, I had to wait out to the end of the season. These were some of the most difficult months of my life. Getting up for practice at 7am every day to run 6+ miles is difficult when you love it, but almost unbearable when you hate it (shout out to my roommate for putting up with my complaining self).
Through these months, I asked God a lot of questions. I asked Him why I was feeling this way, and what I should do.
Let me reiterate that I am so grateful for the opportunity that I was given to run at Marshall University. I made some friendships with people that I will never forget, and I know I was placed on the team for a purpose. If I could go back, I would do it again. A lot of times, it hurts knowing that I was not able to continue running with the girls that I got to know. As the years have gone on, I have cheered them on from afar, sometimes wondering what would be different if I was still competing.
But, you know what? As much as it hurts, I wouldn’t change a thing.
Thankfully, the Lord is sovereign and orchestrates all things. As much as that time in my life was painful, it was necessary. In the confusion, He gave me peace. One night during the season, I met with one of my teammates to pray. I was upset and unsure of how I was feeling and in my decision to quit.
I’ll never forget how peaceful that meeting was. We read scripture. We prayed. I felt an immense calmness upon me. She reassured me that as I prayed and asked for clarity, what God wants is the best for me. I knew that quitting the team might have been necessary for me to serve Christ in a bigger and better way. While I said this, I wasn’t sure I believed it fully at the time.
While I did not get to wear a “Student Athlete” sash at graduation, I was able to grow in Christ-centered relationships on the weekends when I would’ve been away. While I didn’t get a Marshall letterman jacket, I met a sweet friend who I would later run a marathon with. Instead of another personal record, I recognized my call to missions and am now going on the World Race.
Now, there’s no way to tell for sure if I would or would not have been going on the race if I hadn’t quit the team. But what if quitting the team was necessary for me to be where I am right now?
Who knows. But what I do know is that God is good, and I trust His plans for my life. The best is yet to come.
