Quito, Ecuador. The shortest amount of time we have spent anywhere on the race so far. Quito, Ecuador. The most impactful and beautiful place I have been yet because of what the Lord has done here.
At AIM, we talk about this thing called the Project Mood Curve.
There are 3 zones in the curve. The first one is the A zone. This is the honeymoon phase when everything is new and exciting. For me this was before I left for the race. I knew the race was my purpose and I had so much joy about doing it.
Then we go to the B zone where things get hard. A lot of times this is where people give up, because they see the difficult reality.
The past 2 and a half months of the race, I have been in the B zone and I have not been quite sure why or how to get out. But all the Lord kept telling me was to wait on Him. Just wait. I can say that I have not always done well at the waiting part, but the Lord has been faithful.
It started with some really hard processing time with the Lord where he revealed to me some things that have been causing me to live in sin. There are a few relationships back at home that I have had a hard time letting go of. This was bad for two reasons.
First, the Lord has created me as a deep feeler. And because of that I need time to grieve things deeply. However, because I did not allow myself to finish the grieving process, it led to a lot of sin (the need to control, impatience, and selfishness).
Second, I was holding onto the relationships instead of giving them over to him. I had my hands closed tightly around them, which did not give space for what the Lord wanted to fill my cup with.
But, if you persevere through the B zone, then you get to the C zone. This is where you reap the harvest you have been sowing. It is where you see the fruit of your perseverance. This past week in Quito pushed me full force into the C zone.
I took the time to grieve those relationships from home, but what I didn’t realize was that I was finally handing over these relationships to Him. I was opening my hands up and making the space for Him to fill it with what He had for me.
And of course, He filled it up right away. He was waiting to give me a desire of my heart. He was waiting to fill me up with what He knew would be best for me in this season. And what He had for me was more than I could have ever hoped for.
This leads us to the specific ministry we did in Quito. One of my teammates was praying about what we should do in Ecuador and the Lord put the Organization CRU (formerly known as Campus Crusade for Christ) on his heart. He had some friends from the States who had served in Ecuador with CRU and he is really passionate about college ministry. So, he reached out to some people and we got connected with a team that is currently serving in Quito for 2 years with CRU.
And what a gift from the Lord these 3 individuals were to my team. Their names are Sean, Brianna, and Derek and they are all from the States. Their love for others, passion for others to know Christ, and genuine care for all those around them is so greatly evident. They immediately took my team under their wings and welcomed us with open arms.
They were patient and loving with us as we engaged in ministry that is sometimes uncomfortable. They showed us the city they’ve been living in for a year now and gave us opportunities to just have fun with friends. They invited us into their family. And they were the wonderful gift that the Lord was waiting to fill my hands and heart with after I let go of those other relationships from home.
Holding onto those relationships affected another really big thing. I had forgotten why I was on the race. I was so focused on finding my purpose that when we engaged in certain types of ministry that I did not feel like were my strengths or the passions He has given me, I checked out and continued trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing.
I was being so selfish. I had forgotten to be present where the Lord has me right now and instead I had just been focusing on me and what I felt like I should be doing. This was a hard truth to come to grips with. My selfishness has not only affected me, but it has also affected my team and the ministry we have been doing the past two months.
At the university campuses in Quito, we spent most of our time looking for what they call Key Volunteers. These are students that are passionate about Jesus Christ and are willing to share their faith throughout their campus. Derek, Brianna, and Sean mentor and disciple these students so that they can be the leaders in their campus and eventually be self-sustainable.
After the Lord and I had that chat about my selfishness, I turned my focus to engaging fully in the present and what we were doing. Because of that, even though it may have been uncomfortable, I was able to do the college ministry with confidence and joy from the Lord. Praise Him!
Throughout the last two and a half months, God has been asking me to depend on him. Through many things He has been asking me to let him build my house. But I haven’t understood the ways in which I haven’t been doing that. I could not see that I was holding onto those relationships instead of giving them over to him and because of that he could not fill me with what he had for me, and he could not build my house the way he wanted too.
So where am I now? I am working to lean on Him every day to fully engage in the present. I am working to lean on Him to work me through letting go of relationships enough to see what He has for me where I am in this moment. I am right where He wants me to be and that brings the joy, freedom, and peace that I have been missing so much.
I’m so thankful for the grace that God has with us as we work through our sin. I’m so thankful for the ways that He opened up my heart this past week and brought me back to being grounded in Him. I’m immensely thankful for the three new friendships (Sean, Brianna, and Derek) that He brought into our lives. And I’m especially thankful that they are not just any friendships. But we are now brothers and sisters in Christ. A bond that can never be broken.
What are you holding onto today that is keeping you from the wonderful things that the Lord wants to fill your cup with? I encourage you to ask the Lord. Because I can promise you that what He has for you is so much better for where you are right now than what you are holding onto.
This is a picture of my team with Sean, Brianna, Derek, and Brianna’s roommate Chelsea! We love them SO much!
