today is the day my squad leaves swaziland. a place of brokenness but so much love to give. when arriving to swaziland, i prayed that my heart would break for swaziland. that God would put a fire in my heart to love and serve. that these people would witness Him through me. let me tell you, the first 2 weeks of the race were so hard for me. mentally and spiritually- so distracted and felt attacked. i wanted so badly to make bonds with people that would impact me, well, forever. after many revelations through scripture and through a book about mother teresa that i was given coming on the race, this whole attitude flipped. i was finally in my element and joyful. i was ready to enter into the nsoko community and be, well, one of them. living with them, eating with them, playing with them, laughing with them, and crying with them. the people in this community are hard freakin lovers. right when i thought i was going to be the one constantly pouring into them, they were right back pouring harder into me- which has taught me how to love, all in with everything.
then fast forward to this past week, our last week here in swaziland. SUCH A GOOD WEEK. our last day at the carepoint was on friday and let me tell you i was DREADING the day i would say bye to these kiddos. i can honestly say the images of their faces will never leave me. i woke up and i physically felt the pain of heartbreak. the kind of heart break that makes your throat sweat and never ending pits in your chest. that kind of heart break that they talk about in the movies, the heart break of saying goodbye (probably forever) to someone you love like a freakin crazy person. i felt that. then fast forward again to wednesday night when it would be the last time i would see my nsoko community. last time to watch/ play in a soccer game, last laugh, last swazi dab up, last hug, last everything. the group of friends that goes down everyday to play with these kids consists of a constant 5 of us. we huddled and prayed as it would be our last and final goodbye. one word to describe this prayer is emotional. every single person in the circle was either sobbing or holding back tears – as we prayed in thanksgiving for the great times we have had and had lucky we were to be blessed with a loving community like this one. talk about heart break. this BROKE me. i will never forget these moments. one moment in particular that really hit me hard was one of my little friends named clifford, he was 16 years old and loves soccer, one thing we had in common. we would play soccer together everyday and we were always partners for pickup games and things. so as a joke one day i called him my son and he thought it was so funny and decided to call me mom. as i said this, i didn’t really think of the emotional implications the terms “mom and dad” have in swaziland considering this little boy doesn’t have a dad in his life and his mom is very MIA, leaving him with his 20 year old older brother and his uncle. so as we were all hugging goodbye, clifford looks up at me, tears streaming down his face, and says “bye mom, i love you”. let me tell you. this moment crushed me. i felt like he reached in my heart and tore it out of me. this little boy loves SO BIG and the fact that i was able to give him that love that he needed was such an answered prayer! i will forever remember swaziland and all of the relationships i made there. there you go, jesus back at it again, answering prayers in just the way you needed them to be answered. He is so Good.
