the other day I was driving home from babysitting. I watched as the clock turned 1:38 am & it became blurry as my eyes welled with tears. I’m not quite sure what hit me so hard & so fast but I had this unshaking feeling of sadness. sadness because a year from now, I will be on the other side of the world from everyone i know & love. I wish it was just the car ride that was sad but my best friend was just coincidentally writing a letter to give to me before I left & told me about it as she too was crying. then for some odd reason i thought it would be a good idea to watch soldier homecoming videos. why? again, I’m not quite sure. I cried for another hour or so until I fell asleep & woke up the next morning to go to church. I made plans to go with my friends so I couldn’t back out. however, the first thought that came across my mind was wow, I wish I would never have to leave my bed. but I did & praise the Lord for getting me to do so.
it wasn’t just those late saturday night feels that were putting doubts in my head, but for about a week or two prior to that occurrence, I was questioning if i was really cut out to be a missionary. cut out to be out from under the roof of my parent’s homes where I have grown up for the past 17 years. cut out to share the amazing word of Jesus & fearing that he won’t be able to use me. these worries among many were constantly tugging at my heart, so I prayed that Jesus would change my heart. & sure enough, He did. of course, I’m still nervous but by trusting God, I know that everything will work out in the way He has planned long before this.
this became a lot more real to me when i went to church that morning. it is actually crazy how clearly God speaks to you when you need it. crazy because I was stressing about these things at nearly 2-3 in the morning & about 8 hours later He spoke through my pastor Chad Fisher in plans for me & everyone else to hear this truth.
He started the sermon with scripture from Matthew 1. In verse 20 an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph and said not to be afraid to take Mary as his wife because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. “Do not be afraid.” God showed up to Joseph in a similar way that He showed up to me in that morning. the God of the Universe, the one who is in complete control is telling us not to be afraid. it is easier said than done but why is that?
fear is not the absence of faith; fear is faith misplaced
When Joseph finds out that Mary is pregnant he is thinking, do I really have what it takes to handle this? in the same way I struggle if I have what it takes to go on the World Race. but through this act of obedience & trusting that God will show up & provide in my 9 months away from life as I know it, I will see Him in such a new & different light & that is something to be very excited about.
outcome is God’s responsibility; obedience is ours
extraordinary acts of God often start with simple ordinary acts of obedience
we have NO idea how far one single act of obedience can take us. by trusting & obeying Him, He will start & finish good works in our lives. because how things turn out is all because of what God wants for us & our lives. sometimes it doesn’t seem to make sense but Chad proceeded to say this:
living a “makes sense” life is the easiest way to avoid living the “make a difference” life God wants for you.
the more ground you take for the Kingdom of Heaven, the more battles you’ll face, the more pain you’ll experience, the more, the more fear you’ll have to overcome.
more resistance will push you to experience more of God & impact the Kingdom under Heaven.
God has a plan to reach the world & we have a part to play.
ultimately, the Lord will do INSANE things in & through us but we need to put 100% of our faith & trust into Him & obey the callings He puts on our hearts. God commands us to not be afraid & follow him with our whole heart. sorry this has been sorta repetitive but I am sooo thankful for the fact that He reached out to me through that church service & that He will do that everyday while I’m on the race & everyday leading up to it.
if you read this– thank you a ton for taking the time to because I know there are so many other things you could be doing. you people are the best!!!
