A child of God
For a huge portion of my young adult life I’ve been told I’m childish. That I’m naive, oblivious, immature, too much, and that I need to grow up. Even when these things weren’t verbally spoken to or about me, I felt the rejection. I believed there was something wrong with me. I rejected myself for not being “more mature”. At best I was temporary entertainment but never a friend. At worst, I was Titus’s little sister who was just plain annoying. Constantly being told to calm down or chill out, after awhile I did just that. I suppressed and buried all that energy and replaced it with what I saw around me. Meanness. Absolute meanness, jealousy, resentment, and an inability to see worth in myself or anything for that matter. I was miserable! I became exactly who people said I could be. I was worth exactly what people said I was worth. I blended in as a cold hearted, hateful girl.
Looking back I call that immature. I call that childish because I wasn’t who I knew I was meant to be at my core and that being perfectly content with my being enough to frolic around the room in the middle of the day, that’s never too much, it’s exactly enough. It’s not being oblivious but being so aware of the bigger things.
Characteristics of a child:
Pure joy simply for existing.
Awe at the beautifully little things
Continuos laughter that can not be reasoned with or against
Assumed trust in people- that they’re not out to get you or that their life purpose isn’t hurting you.
Confidence and certainty that you’re loved
Curiosity
Boldness to ask for what you want
Resilience and quick healing
Willingness to try things you may be terrible at
Authentic honesty
Brightness
Being completely present in the present- unworried and not anxious of what’s coming next
Loves ice cream and hot dogs
Y’all why on earth would I want to get rid of those things? And for what? To feel unworthy, insecure, confined, and ordinarily depressed?
Not only am I the youngest on our squad but I am more energized than ever. Utterly unapologetic for being happy, being a morning person, breaking out in random dancing, and the thing is, people want that. People who pursue God crave joy. I’ve been given this gift that threatens Satan and pleases the Lord so much. It’s dangerous walking in the fullness of Gods love. It terrifies the enemy and he will send his workers to try and destroy that in you. This thing about myself that I honestly hoped I would outgrow is now something I desperately want to grow in.
I am so beyond blessed with the women on my team and squad. We have so much in common, so many “me too” moments but I genuinely feel responsible for sharing this particular struggle. I know personally I never had anyone share this with me.
I know that I know that I know that there are young WOMEN condemned for this. Is it confusing to see a 21 year old still making silly noises and refusing to behave in this certain accepted behavior made by society? Let me reiterate- social norms constructed by man NOT God. Sure, of course that’s confusing. It’s strange and people are going to notice and THANK GOD. They will wonder why or how and you will get to tell them Jesus. You will walk in a freedom and peace that people will envy. Please please please whatever you do, if this is to you, do not mistake childlikeness with childishness. Do not apologize for being joyful and DO NOT ask people’s permission to act in joyful, passionate living.
I am a child of God and I will look to Him in child-like wonder in awe of Him, all that He is, and all He made me to be.
