I just got home from my World Race training camp about a week ago, and let me tell you- it was wild. In the span of 10 days I met all of the people that I will be traveling with for the next year, I participated in my first ever door-to-door evangelism, I learned, I slept outside in a tent, I cried (you’re shocked- I know), I worshiped and I discovered what it means to say yes. There are a hundred things I could write about training camp, but I want to tell you about what has stuck with me the most as I’ve been processing everything over the last few days. So this is part one of two blogs to come about training camp (maybe three… I don’t know yet).
Definition of the word YES: used as a function word to express assent or agreement
It’s a simple word with an easily understood definition, something we all learned very young, and haven’t given much thought since. At least, I can confidently say that I haven’t spent any time lying awake in bed turning over the implications or the meaning of the word Yes.
That is, until about day 3 of training camp, when the Holy Spirit (and our amazing speakers) completely rocked my world. One speaker, Karen, spoke to us about her very personal and intimate relationship with God via the Holy Spirit. She talked about being still and silent before the Lord and seeking Him with her whole heart and how that has brought such amazing fruit into her life. She described an actual RELATIONSHIP with the Lord and she talked about how it all started with her just submitting to him and saying yes.
Another one of our speakers, Bill, used this analogy to talk about having a relationship with God. He said: If every time I talk to my wife all I do is tell her how I messed up, how sorry I am, and then ask her for stuff, we wouldn’t have a real relationship. I wouldn’t know anything about her and she wouldn’t really know anything about me either. I have to talk and spend time with my wife to grow our relationship. (I’m paraphrasing/summarizing, but you get the idea)
This all hit me hard. I’m totally guilty of not taking time to really talk and spend time with God. As most of you know, the words ‘still’ and ‘silent’ are rarely ever used to describe me. I felt discouraged at the thought that I wasn’t making room for a personal relationship with God. I was dumbfounded- the Lord has called me to do this great and amazing thing- and I was (and continue to be) confident in that calling, yet when was the last time I spent time with Him?
Karen also talked about how God rewards those who seek Him even though sometimes when we seek Him it feels like we don’t find Him. God KNOWS when we’re seeking Him and if we do so with our whole heart He draws near to us and that goes beyond just what we are feeling at the time. She said when we live our life’s with a yes in our spirit we open ourselves up to having a deeper relationship with the Lord.
That seemed so profound to me. Sure I’d said yes at times when I’ve felt the Lord calling me to do things (like going on this trip) but do I have a yes in my spirit? Do I say yes to the little things? Am I 100% in? If I’m being honest the answer was no. I let things like fear, worry or busyness keep me from those little yeses.
And God showed me this right away. During worship that night I was sitting next to one of my good friends, and I really felt like the Lord was telling me to put a hand on her and pray over her.
I’m not going to lie, my first thought was no. What if I just bug her while she is worshiping? What if what I pray isn’t relevant to her and I just sound dumb? I know she doesn’t like people touching her, what if my hand on her shoulder annoys her? What if? What if? What if? I started making excuse after excuse for something as simple as praying over one of my best friends, someone I’ve prayed with more times than I can count.
But I was still so scared. Then it hit me: I was telling God no.
Who did I think I was?
It took me a few songs to fight back all of those worries and fears, and to find my yes. But I did it. I cried my whole way through it and I’m almost positive she couldn’t hear me over the sound of the music but it doesn’t matter because I did it.
I never got a chance to talk to her afterwards about what happened, I don’t know if she heard me, or if my words spoke to her at all, all I know is that I did what I was supposed to do in that moment. And even if she couldn’t hear me, or if my words didn’t speak into what she was dealing with at that moment, I had the opportunity to say yes, and I (eventually) did it. I was able to do something that I felt the Lord was telling me to do even though it made me uncomfortable. That in itself was worth it.
Later in the week we also had the opportunity to go out into the community with our teams and do some door-to-door evangelism. I don’t know if I could even express how nervous I was to walk up to a stranger’s door and talk to them about Jesus. I hardcore did NOT want to do it. When we got to the area we were going to be evangelizing in, I was pretty overwhelmed. When we walked up to the first house I very graciously offered to stand out by the road and pray for those who were going up to the door, which my team (also very graciously) allowed me to do. All was well- at least it was until we got to the next house, and it was my turn to go up. I wanted to say no, I wanted to say I wasn’t ready but honestly I’d probably never be ready. I could easily think of 100 reasons why I shouldn’t walk up and knock on a stranger’s front door, but at the end of the day all of those reasons didn’t matter.
I knew the one reason why I should: God was asking for my unconditional yes.
And then I started thinking- what if these people, in this random house, don’t know Jesus? What if my team was here to tell someone about Jesus for the first time? What if the Lord wanted to use me? (Crazy thought but like… what if?!)
So I just did it. I knocked on some random door and I waited. Guess what- no one answered. My team prayed over the house and we moved on. We kept going and I kept knocking on doors and no one was answering! Each time I walked up to a door I had to muster up a yes and hold onto it for dear life. Part of me was a little disappointed that no one was answering but I won’t lie and say I was that upset that all these people weren’t home. I did eventually have a chance to meet and pray with a young family, which was scary and nerve-wrecking but also simple and beautiful and the fact that I was doing it with my team made it so much easier.
For me there was a battle to have a yes in my spirit as I walked up to each and every door. I was out of my comfort zone, which in hindsight, is exactly where God wanted me to be. He didn’t leave me out there all by myself and say “Do what I’m asking.” He encouraged me and surrounded me with a group of women who kept me steady and took the lead when I needed help. My appreciation and love for my team grew exponentially during our door-to-door stroll. Each one of them are different and have different gifts and talents, but they all have a yes and I can totally see why the Lord has placed them in my life for this season.
Some people might look at our time going door-to-door as a waste- I mean we really didn’t get to talk or pray with that many people. But for me, I think God just wanted me to say yes- even when I was nervous and scared- and keep saying yes no matter what happened. He wanted me to just trust and jump and to believe that He would be there to catch me when I did.
I don’t know if I’m completely there yet, but I want to be. God is faithful with both the little things and the big things and He will be faithful, even when I am not. He won’t ever stop loving me (or you) just because We don’t always have a yes to give Him. He knows our heart, and I believe He honors the struggle that we have within ourselves, against what is comfortable for us and what He has called us to.
I want a real relationship with my Father. That starts with my yes- my yes to believing in Him, my yes to follow His will, my yes to spending more time with Him, and my yes to denying myself.
He wants that for you too.
So I want to challenge you to find those little moments- where you feel God stirring in you to act- and just do it. Don’t push that feeling down or let yourself find excuses. Run into it. When it feels scary, take a deep breath and tell the Lord:
You have my yes.
Much love,
Morgan
As always, I invite you to make my journey, your journey. Here are three simple ways:
- The most important, PRAY.
- Subscribe. (If you want to subscribe to my blog and stay up to date on what God is doing in my life, click the orange “Subscribe for Updates” in the left-hand corner.)
- Share. (If my blog has touched you in any way tell a friend by clicking the “Share with” links to share this on social media.)
