I am a 21 year old single woman, who lives with her parents, and who is currently “taking a break from school”. On paper, I’m kinda a failure.
When I was growing up I would have looked at my life right now and thought I was failure too. I always imagined myself going off to a big school, getting 4 year degree, meeting someone, getting a good job and settling down- the good ol’ American Dream. Thats obviously not how my life has worked out but beyond what I thought was best for my life God had a plan that far exceeded my little goals.
When I was a senior in high school I dreamed of either going to FSU or UGA (realistically I know that I’d never be able to afford out of state tuition but hey, a girl can dream). I didn’t know what I wanted to go to school for necessarily but I knew where I wanted to go and that was enough for a while. Then God gave me a passion. I fell in love with American Sign Language and in turn, with interpreting.
Only problem: my dream schools didn’t have interpreting programs.
This passion wasn’t fitting into my life plan- but I wanted it more than anything so I had to make it work. I found a different school, UNF. They have a program and even though it wasn’t the school I wanted to go to, it was still a 4 year university and everything would be fine- only people kept talking about another program that sounded better for me… at a community college. This went against the plans I had for myself. This went against what I expected of me and what those around me expected from me… but I still had this passion and now I knew what I was supposed to do with it. How could I say no to that?
When I decided to go to the program that felt right, that gave me peace to think about, and that allowed me to pursue my passion, I faced backlash. People couldn’t understand why I was ‘settling for community college when I’d already been accepted to those ‘dream universities”. I couldn’t explain it in a way to make people understand, I just knew that this was it, this was where I was supposed to be for right now. All of that backlash came with feeling embarrassed every time I told some one where I went to school, and hearing the ‘Oh.. thats nice’ in a voice that clearly told me that they did not think it was that nice. Followed by the well intentioned ‘where are you going to transfer?’ (Its the same voice I hear when I tell people that I’m single. You know, the ‘Oh.. well thats ok. You’ll meet someone.’ Like yes, thank you everyone, but right now I’m very happy with my singleness.)
But regardless, this was were I was supposed to be, and I was so happy to be there. So, without really knowing why, just going with what felt right, I followed God and the passion He gave to me and He blessed that decision tenfold. I didn’t even realize it was His gentle hand guiding me to where I needed to be until He started unfolding other opportunities what were only made available because of where I was. He allowed me to meet and love so many people through my time at FSCJ and He gave me a time of personal growth to prepare me for this next stage of my life. I needed to be humbled before God to realize that my plans didn’t amount to much. Going to a big school, getting a job, being in a relationship didn’t mean much if I was doing it without God. He filled an emptiness in my life with Himself and opened my eyes to a world much bigger than my own.
When I heard about the World Race, and the Lord put it on my heart to go, I could. I have finished the first half of my schooling. I have both a general A.A degree and an A.S. degree in English/American Sign Language Interpretation, what that means is, I don’t have to worry about leaving school unfinished. I also didn’t have to worry about leaving a significant other behind, or taking care of rent. Everything that I have viewed in my life as me falling short of a goal or expectation, God has used to prepare me for this trip. His plans were far bigger (and better) than mine.
This time I will have to trust and lean into Him, not with some small transition, like switching from high school to the community college down the street, but with following his calling across the globe. This decision has caused some backlash of its own, but now I feel more equipped to handle questions and concerns.
When I look at my life, I see someone who has fallen short of the world’s standards and expectations. I am a failure in that regard, but God’s been working in my heart and now I can honestly say that I’m ok with it.
Much love,
Morgan
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