As my squad began worship on Christmas Eve in the upstairs room of our hostel in Chiang Mai, Thailand my heart was extremely heavy.
I missed my family a lot and was honestly full of a lot of entitlement. Christmas is a family holiday, so I deserve to be with my family. As I sat there thinking about everything I was missing the Lord simply asked me “am I not enough for you?” That stopped me right in my tracks and wiped all the entitlement from my mind. In that moment as I sat there I felt my heart lighten and joy flood my whole body. All I could do in the moment was worship the Creator because He is enough, and will always be enough.
I then looked around at my squadmates pouring their hearts out in worship to our King. Some were crying, others were simply sitting on the floor praying, and then there were some who had fallen to their knees in worship. All of us were struggling with being away from our families, but now we are each other’s families. I felt the deepest love for every single person there and as the songs continued to play I could feel more and more joy flood the tiny, hot room as each one of us gave all of our fears and sadness up to the Lord.
From that moment on, I was able to find joy in everything, because He is enough. Instead of being sad about what I was missing I laughed as I facetimed my best friend, cried happy tears at how beautiful my church’s Christmas Eve service was, and couldn’t stop smiling as my family opened the gifts I had shipped home for them. Instead of being sad I wasn’t with my real family, I watched Home Alone, opened presents, baked cookies, and went out to dinner with my second family.
This Christmas may have been different from anything I could have ever dreamed, but it was truly amazing. He will always provide, and He is more than enough.
I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas!
-Michelle
