Unbelievable Joy. Trust. Hope. Pure Excitement. These are just some of the many feelings I experienced throughout the application and acceptance period of my World Race journey. I don’t think I stopped smiling for days after I received that acceptance phone call, and my heart would race every time I thought about what the next year would hold. But as a couple of weeks passed, I began to worry. I have always been a worrier, and I like to be in control to make sure everything goes right. And I began to realize that I was giving up complete control for 9 months of my life. I needed to fully trust God every single day. I was worrying about how I could possibly survive not seeing my family for 9 months, worrying about what I would miss in my friends’ lives, and how I would even begin to raise all the money I needed. I shoved all my worries down as people asked me over and over again, “Are you excited?!” Which of course I am! This is an unbelievable opportunity and I am beyond grateful. Every time I would start to worry, I would tell myself that it didn’t matter, and that I just needed to toughen up and trust God.
I began to get frustrated as I kept turning to Philippians 4:6 and reading these words over and over again: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” I would go over all my worries with God as I read this verse, but was repeatedly discouraged when I felt no different. But that’s when God showed me that I wasn’t actually coming to Him in prayer, I was coming to him in worry. Instead of having a conversation with God, I was listing off everything I was worried about, and just waiting for something to happen. I never let those anxieties go, I was holding on to them with a tight grip. I was constantly thinking about what I was worried about and not focusing on God. I was worrying, not praying.
I need to bring God my anxiety, and completely leave it at His feet, because He is bigger than any worry I could ever have. I need to not fixate on little things, and instead, make God the focal point in my life and realize that He is in control and has a plan that is so much better for me. I may not know even half of what God has planned for me in the next two years, but that is okay. I don’t need to understand everything that happens, I just need to trust Him. And lastly, I’ve realized that it is okay to have these worries and anxieties, but once I lay them at our Savior’s feet, that is when my heart will find true peace.
