For many years I have struggled with a life full of lust. This lust came in many different forms starting sometime between the ages of 6-8 years old; thus, this is my testimony of how God broke these chains of mine. A brief summary is that from 6/8-21 years of age I have struggled with masturbation. From 12-21 years of age I have struggled with watching pornography.
The masturbation started after being molested by a guy in Weirsdale, Florida. This I know because I believe it was the same day that my brother tried to run away. Both me and whoever this person was were in a closed door and started to rub each other. Luckily, my mom opened the door so nothing further went on and I can say to this day that I am still a virgin. Due to this scenario however I ended up having homosexual thoughts and some actions up until I was maybe 14-15 years old I can’t remember the exact age.
Before I became free from those thoughts I was introduced to porn at the age of 12. Being introduced to porn arose because my “cousins” showed me it. “Cousins” is in quotations because they are not technically my cousins but I call them cousin because my dad and their dad grew up as really close best friends and have pretty much lived together most of their life.
In the midst of all of this, God started to get ahold of my life. I first went to church sometime between 10-14 (cannot remember what age) because my grandparents had neighbors that invited me. It was then I heard about John 3:16 for the first time and instantly fell in love with church. However, growing up due to financial issues living in poverty I never really was able to go to church. By the grace of God, I eventually started to go to church when I went to live with my dad in Las Vegas, Nevada. I won’t go into detail about being in Vegas yet for that incorporates more of my testimony.
Sometime between 15-16 years of age I also got a phone for the first time and also had an iPod. Thus, from 15/16-19 years old really I ended up using the iPod to look at porn pretty much every day unfortunately. When I still had this iPod I also went into different chat sites meeting people online where I unfortunately did stuff through skype that I should not have done. This pretty much lasted until I went to live with my dad in Las Vegas; though I still used chat apps and chat sites to meet people online.
This now brings me to living in Vegas with my dad. I moved to Vegas and finished my senior year of high school out there at two different high schools. So as stated before I finally went to church consistently. However, I still ended up watching porn in the midst of this, not fully wanting to give it up; yet knowing that it can not satisfy me, only Jesus can satisfy. While living with my dad I still used chat apps and met my first girlfriend online. I lost weight by walking to her house pretty much every day. But this was all very unhealthy; because I was still watching porn (therefore I was technically cheating and it was unhealthy). Thus, the relationship only lasted 3 months; she also was not faithful in the relationship as well.
While living in Vegas I also ended up kissing ladies I would hang out with; even someone my dad worked with. I should of not have done any of this because I was not in a relationship with any of them and did not want to be in a relationship with them.
After finishing high school I found out I got accepted to Grand Canyon University (GCU) 4 weeks before classes started in the fall of 2014. Which I can now say that I will be graduating from GCU April 26th at 2pm with a major in Christian Studies and an emphasis in Biblical Studies. So, I came to GCU and loved it; however, I still ended up watching pornography and masturbating until December 2017. From 2014 to 2017 I also consistently had a strong desire to be in a relationship where I did try to pursue a few but nothing happened. This is possibly because I was not/still kinda not ready to be in a committed relationship and still indulging in the sin of lust, looking at porn and masturbation. Since January 1st 2018 I have had no desire to look at porn or masturbate and can thankfully rejoice that by the grace of God I am now 2 months free from porn and masturbation.
This is my testimony within the realm of sexual lust. I am overwhelmed with joy that I am 2 months clean from this stuff. I have not really had a desire to watch porn or masturbate like I used to; if it does arise I quickly get up and go do something like work out or get into Scripture now. I used to just indulge in that sin when temptation occurred; which was just a huge mistake and kept me from growing a deeper and closer relationship with God. I am also for the first time content with being single. I will admit though a few random times I have gotten jealous about seeing other couples being all happy together. But it is not like it used to be where I would beat myself up over seeing other people in a relationship every single day. I only get jealous “once in a blue moon” which means not very often. It has probably only been once every 3-4 months or so. I am finally content with singleness though and am currently not looking to be in a relationship. I am just going to focus on growing closer to God.
