I got back from training camp Friday night and boy was it something. The days spent at camp in Gainesville, Georgia felt more like 10 weeks instead of just 10 days. But in those days, God really moved in the place – he moved in my heart and broke me open so that I can heal to prepare me for this adventure. The past two weeks have been the most challenging, tough, yet most empowering and insightful weeks of my life. I was taught by some awesome & wise people, poured into by the most loving and spirit lead leaders and mentors, and surrounded by encouraging, kind, loving, and passionate world changers (shoutout to squad V!!). There is so much I could talk about and i’m still processing everything I’ve learned over training, but there is one word in particular that has repeated in my head over and over since day 1 and I want to share that with you all.
Freedom.
The state of not being imprisoned or enslaved.
As training camp got closer and closer, I was getting more and more excited. I mean I was about to meet the people I would spend the next 9 months with, why wouldn’t I be excited right?! Well, once the shuttle pulled onto Adventures in Missions property, my heart began to beat faster. Fear. I let it creep back in. Fear of not being good enough, fear of being too much and not enough all at once, fear of being rejected, fear of not fitting in, fear that I’m not ready for this. All of a sudden it was like I opened the door to one lie and a hundred more came stampeding in.
Later on that night was worship. I remember praising the Lord for all he has done one moment and then sobbing the next because I felt like I didn’t belong and I was afraid I wasn’t ready for this mission. But the thing is, God doesn’t call us when we’re ready – he calls us where we are and when we’re willing to take the leap even though we may not have it all figured out, he prepares and equips us.
While I was standing there in tears with my arms up, a leader came up to me and prayed over me and gave me the word “freedom”. *cue more tears* At that moment I didn’t fully understand what I was getting freedom from – I thought I was already free. But the truth was I wasn’t living like I was free. I was afraid and anxious. Imprisoned by the dark thoughts in my own mind. As the days went on and we heard more messages about our identity in Christ I began to realize something… I was created for such a time as this.
So, why am I living quietly? Why am I still living in fear of what could happen when my heavenly Father already created a perfect plan for my future? Why am I letting past hurts continue to foster this fear in my head of being abandoned and rejected by those I love most?
You see when God sent his son Jesus to earth, he sent him to die for OUR sins so that we could live an abundant life in companionship with him. Yet, so often we let our sins, mistakes, and fears stop us from living in FREEDOM. Jesus didn’t die on the cross so that I could keep living a comfortable life. And he certainly didn’t die for me to live anxiously whenever I walked into a new situation. No. He died so that I could share his perfect love, extend his grace, and express the pure joy that comes from knowing him. He died so that we could be free. No longer slaves of our past, or our mistakes, or our pain, or our fear.
For years I let fear hold me back because I thought that my words weren’t important enough to be said, let alone heard by someone else. I let fear trick me into believing that people wouldn’t like me because let’s be real if you know me you know I am a total weirdo. The list could go on, but the point is that all of these fears are LIES. They aren’t true about me and the lies you hear about yourself in your head aren’t true about you either.
I am learning how to live freely and how to live loved. I am so excited to continue to grow with the Lord during this time of preparation and am even more excited to see what God has in store for my squadmates and I over these next 9 months. It’s time to live boldly, unapologetically, authentically, and lovingly. I am fully embracing this freedom and embracing who I am in Christ. I challenge you to embrace your freedom too and know that it’s never too late.
