The feeling you get when you’re on a roller coaster for the first time, head back, strapped in, knuckles turning white, and all you see is the track going straight up against the blue sky. Or getting ready to jump off a cliff into deep water, looking ahead, deep breathing, counting down to yourself. That certain feeling in your gut of anticipation mixed with excitement, adrenaline, and fear. You don’t know what’s going to happen. You don’t have control over the ride, you don’t have control once your feet leave the ledge and all that’s between you and the water is just a gasp of air.
That’s how I felt when I let God have full control over my life.
I like to have control. It’s gotten me in trouble a few times as well.
So that’s why I was nervous to loose the control. I thought trusted God, I just didn’t want Him to send me to do something dangerous, or uncomfortable, or literally anything I didn’t want to do.
That’s not trusting God. It took me a while to really reach that point.
I used the free will that He gave me and gave Him control.
Psalm 9:10 “Those who know Your name trust in you, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You.” I don’t have to be afraid. The Lord will be with me wherever I go. I keep my eyes on Jesus I won’t sink, I can walk on the waters.
Giving up control was the best decision of my life. And then He called me out to be a missionary.
Oh so just maybe a couple weeks in Haiti teaching English, playing with kids, praying for people, building a house, and then we go home? Right?
No. More. Trust Me.
I had that feeling in my gut again. Yeah the World Race sounded super cool when I was 18, but now that I’m old enough I feel like I’m gripping onto the bars watching the clear blue sky not knowing what’s to come. I can do the World Race. Can I do the World Race? What if something happens? Uncertainty? Vietnam? Thailand? Ukraine? 11 months away from home?
“God, I just don’t know. I’m scared.” I prayed, and prayed, and prayed.
Then you do it.
You close your eyes and let the coaster take you, you count “three, two, one” and run and leap and cannonball into the cool waters. All fear is swept away and you wonder what you were even scared of to begin with. You emerge to the air with a huge smile on your face and chills throughout your body. You scream with excitement as you’re riding the coaster around, upside down, whipped around a corner and your hair settles back into place as the ride begins to brake. Sometimes the only thing you can say is “woah.”
You trust. You’re so glad you didn’t back down because you will want to do it again and again, and maybe have the courage to do something bigger.
And even if the courage isn’t there right now, He is.
