I am currently sitting in my sister’s room after church wiping mascara off my face because apparently the mascara I put on will never come off. While sitting here God smacked me in the face with realization that this is exactly what I’ve tried to do with sin. I’ve tried to wash the sin off myself and it’s never worked because only God can wash off the sin in my life. Since sophomore year when I devoted my life to God I have constantly tried to wash off sin by myself, sometimes not even letting God help me wash my sins away. However, lately I’ve realized I am not strong enough to overcome the power of sin on my own. Even though I’ve known that in my brain for two years, I’ve never allowed that to transfer to my heart. That just saying I’m done with my sins and apologizing to God isn’t enough until I allow God to wash away my sins and change my heart. That if I hide my sins I am only suffering more and running further away from Christ.
Three weeks ago, I went to youth group broken from my sin and explained to Ally the temptation that consumed me more than I’d like to admit. She explained to me that the battle of sin is one I was not designed to fight on my own. I knew this after going to church for two years that I could not fight sin on my own, but that did not stop the fiercely independent me from trying. Only when I sat with her explaining my sin did I realize that while I believed in the Lord with all my heart, my sin was keeping me isolated from the true joy that only Christ could bring me. That when I pretended to have all of it together, I was only lying to myself and God could see through all the brokenness and hurt I had in my heart.
Two weeks after this conversation Ally taught the youth group about community. Another wake up call from God was laid upon my heart during this teaching. The line I will remember most is “we were not built to do this life alone.” This line made me realize that I am not alone in my journey with Christ by any means. That when it feels like my sin is too great to carry on my own, it is because I can’t continue to carry my sin when all God wants me to do is lay it down at his feet. That all he wants me to do is run to him with all my imperfections and stay in a community that constantly builds each other up instead of tearing each other down all for the glory of Christ.
The sins in my life are all washed away through the blood of Christ, just as the sin of your life are washed away if you believe in the power of Jesus Christ. Through God I have realized that I am far from perfect and that I cannot do this life without Him. That sin kept secret is sin that leads to spiritual death, but sin given up to the Father is sin that is washed clean because of his son’s blood shed for all of those who believe. Praise God for the community he has given us so that we do not have to endure these trials on our own, but have those who will listen and keep us accountable in our relationship with Christ.
Thank you for all of you who have read this blog about my life for the past month. Also thank you to everyone who has donated financially and prayer wise to my trip. God is doing crazy things in my life and is helping me grow spiritually more than ever. Today is March 11th, and while the blog doesn’t show it I am at about 6,000 dollars, but still have about 10,000 left to go. If you feel led to donate please click the donation button and donate as much as God is putting on your heart. Thank you for the support you glive me to help spread His Word.
