Irritated. Empty. Stressed.
Three words to describe what I felt when I woke up this morning.
I consider myself a generally positive and happy person, but I had not felt this upset in a long time.
My mom woke me up at 8:30, telling me I had five minutes to get dressed before we left to church for John Luke’s 11th birthday. I was already annoyed, and definitely not in the mood to go to Mass, but I got up anyways.
When we got home, I felt a little better, but still couldn’t get the bad feelings away, and I didn’t feel like doing anything. But, naturally, as a person who likes to find solutions to problems, I thought to myself, “what can I do to feel better?”
So after drinking a cup of coffee, I put on my tennis shoes and decided to go for a run. I just needed to get out of the house. Jogging in the rain and working up a sweat for an hour released enough endorphins in my brain that I felt better, and I stopped to reflect before I got home. I asked myself,
“Why am I feeling so upset? Why is it taking it so long for this feeling to go away?”
It was then that I realized I was trying to fight this battle on my own.
As a person who loves to have control over pretty much every situation in my life, I often resort to trying to fix everything on my own. I make strategies and plans to change whatever is wrong by myself, and I forget that I have someone who is waiting to help me.
Usually about halfway through the struggle, I remember God is on my side, and He has the perfect plan and solution for me.
So standing in the rain, I asked Him to give me peace, and to get rid of the anger and bitterness I felt. It didn’t come immediately, but I felt wayyy better knowing that if I was only still, he would give me his peace.
Continuing from that, the word “still” has been on my heart lately. There are several bible verses with the word “still”, and here are some I’ve been focusing on in the past couple weeks:
•••Daniel 3:18 // And if not, He is STILL good
•••Psalm 46:10 // “Be STILL, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
•••Mark 4:39-41 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be STILL!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
••• Psalm 107:28-29 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He STILLED the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed
And especially: .•••Exodus 14:14 // The Lord will fight for me, I need only to be STILL;
Exodus 14:14 has really stuck with me through today, because I know if I only remain still, and if I stop trying to fix everything with my limited abilities, then God will take over.
On the other side of that, I also like to remember that “being still” doesn’t necessarily mean doing nothing. As someone who loves to constantly be busy and productive (every morning I make a list of 10 things to accomplish in the day), it at first seemed ironic to “be still” when I hardly physically or mentally do that. But I realized It means doing as much as I can, working to my best ability, not procrastinating or lying idle, and then letting God do the rest.
I have felt this word so strongly in the past few months that I bought a necklace with the word engraved in it, so I wear it every day to remember its importance:
On an exciting note, I’ve been talking to all my route 4 people, and we were all just saying how super exciting it is that we’re going to be in Thailand this time next year, ahhh !! I’m so stoked. Crazy stuff.
As always, keep praying for me and everyone on my route as we prepare and fundraise, and donate if you feel called to do so!!!
peace
MG
